Life Is But A Dream

It's nighttime. Half passed eleven. Last night I was awake until 3am, tossing and turning; too hot, and then too cold. It's not typical for me to have trouble falling asleep, but in times like these when your life is in transition, it's what's to be expected, I'd say. At least for someone with my kind of whirlwind brain.

Tonight I sit here for the very last time on this bed. A folded duvet rests by my feet with a cat on top; stacks of books to be taken to the thrift store tomorrow lie on the floor to my left, and my desk is cleared of all papers and pens: only a few bits and bobs are left on top for me to toss into a bag. In the far corner I have two large containers packed neatly with camera equipment, cords, and a few belongings that seemed appropriate to keep. I'm impressed with myself that I've been able to compress most of the contents of my life into a couple boxes and bags.

Tomorrow I enter a brand new chapter of my life. But, this isn't just any chapter.

This chapter is a powerful one. A glossy, shimmery, weighted chapter that represents everything I've ever wished for. It holds every dream I've ever dreamed, and it sits, it waits for me tomorrow morning, to enter it.

I'll be living in a city I dreamed of living, with a person I dreamed of living with and being with and breathing with, and I'll be doing what I've always wanted to do.

Life is but a dream.

All-Encompassing

___

All of my dreams came true the day I met you. Every single one of them. You're all-encompassing, an embrace, a weaving, a satin scarf; for you I'd live a thousand lives over just to find you like I did that night, a look to my right, a seat by the fire. You are everything, all of it, each tiny fragment of all of my wishes bloomed into light.

___

Wishes

What a beautiful summer it was

every day sunny, even in the rain

visions I once had now crystal clear and on the path before me;

your face in my light, the darkness behind me

everything was worth it, all of it, every little bit

a dancing of sun and moon rising

dreams I used to dream, blooming into life,

truly, there they are, here I am,

my heart is bountiful, my hands holding what were once

words on paper

pictures in my head

visions in my sleep

imagination as wild as ever,

and suddenly you're in front of me

surrounding me, before me, next to me;

everything unfolds smoothly, exquisitely, with you in my life

a hope: it shines outward, beaming its light, showing its face

a wish: it bursts upward, bearing its fruit, unveiling its skin

a dream: it sings, bright and loud, vibrant, like a watercolour painting

visions I once had now crystal clear and on the path before me.

True Love

___

My heart hurts from the

heaviness of love that it

holds for you and for nothing else

you are the butterflies inside

the sweat on my skin when

you cross my mind

the daydreams at noon and

the gaze in my eyes as

I ponder the depths of your

beautiful mind

you glow like nothing but a

star in the sky as it bursts its light

you are the very same shine

as soothing as sand

as delicate as lace

there is no way to orchestrate

a symphony as flawlessly as

your hand fits in mine as we sit side by side

I'm in ruins from your smile

when our fingers intertwine and

the time we watched the sun rise

I can now accurately define

bliss and true love

for the very first time.

___

Twenty One

Birthday girl, Jan 10/2012

Today I turned 21 years old. Feels youthfully ripe, seasoned and sophisticated. I am calmly and pleasantly awaiting what will fall into place for me this year. I feel like each year is bursting with blank pages for new stories of opportunities, experiences and lessons. Even since my last birthday, I have evolved so much.

Today I am just very grateful and thankful for all of the birthday wishes I have received.

It feels as though I am and have been entering a new era. And according to the teachings in my chakra handbook, I have indeed entered a new "theme". We have 7 main chakras and in my book it says that, essentially, we go through cycles of human development and every 7 years beginning from birth we enter a new base theme, starting with root up to crown (and you always view your age as one year ahead, so as to count our time in the womb). Within those 7 year cycles, each individual year is comprised of an individual main theme, from root to crown.

This is somewhat complicated to explain (as you really need to view the chart) but my main point is that I have just completed a 7 year cycle (began when I was 15 years old... and had done two 7 year cycles before that: from age 1-7 then a new cycle from 8-14). The cycle I just completed pertains to the qualities of the solar plexus chakra (third chakra... third cycle). This solar plexus 7-year base theme symbolizes "unfolding ones' personality; assimilation of feelings and experiences; shaping one's being; influence and power; strength and abundance and wisdom growing out of experience". Within that main theme, I just completed the last part of the cycle, the crown chakra, which denotes "enlightenment through inner contemplation; unity with the omnipresent being and universal consciousness". These themes are unbelievably accurate to how my life has developed over the past several years. Especially the aspect of inner contemplation, unity and the general shaping of my being.

So this new year that I have been entering is the 4th cycle in my life, the base theme of the heart chakra which denotes "unfolding the qualities of the heart; love, compassion, sharing, sincere involvement, selflessness, devotion and healing". Within that general 7-year theme, since I am in my first year of this brand new theme, this year I am back at the base - the root chakra. This fundamental theme denotes "primordial life energy and trust; relationship to the earth and the material world; stability and power to achieve". This primordial motif feels very akin to how I have been sensing myself becoming more grounded again since I have flown into the wild airs of spirituality. I have definitely found myself seeking some ground, with new feet... ;-) Though next year this inner motif will be under the (second) sacral chakra, and so on. My next new (fifth) cycle starts when I am 29.

I find it so fitting how I am now in the theme of the heart - compassion, love and selflessness - for this is precisely what my life has been preparing for over the past 6 weeks. As I have just taken a trip into the depths of my soul, unveiling and healing negative thought patterns, beliefs, attitudes and underlying emotions, it is compassion and love that has been my most predominant goal. I kid you not. I find it very neat that it is that theme that I have been inevitably entering and will be cultivating over the next several years...

Some interesting points from my book on this subject of human development cycles:

• A change takes place on a material level every seven years ... It is a biological fact that our bodies renew themselves every seven years (all our bodies cells have been replaced by new ones - biologically speaking, we are an entirely new person). 
• After seven cycles we have reached the middle of our lives (age 49) and have completed an entire cycle. A completely new stage of life begins with our 50th birthday ... a chance to start all over again but this time from a "higher octave" of development.
• In ages past, the number 7 was used to denote completion, abundance and (spiritual) perfection. Many cultures regard it as a sacred number
• And P.S., 7 is my favourite number (mysteriously, though, because I don't really know why - there's just something about this number that I am drawn to)

Cat~Love and an Affirmation

Tara and I, October 2010

Found some cute photos of me and my favourite cat, Tara. I miss her very much. We were buddies man. Best friends. She followed me everywhere. Whenever I'd go to my dad's house she would sit on me like that and totally snuggle.

Affirmation #3:
I am eternal consciousness living inside a lucid dream called life.
I am a lucid dreamer, for I am awake.
I live a lucid life.

Sam Roberts @ Massey Hall, Toronto!

Last night I saw Sam Roberts in concert at Massey Hall in downtown Toronto. Ahhh! He's one of my favourite musicians, it was amazing. Of course I hoped he would personally call me up on stage and propose, but I guess that was wishful thinking.

He was SO good live. We got the balcony up above so our seats were actually pretty good. Ah, it was awesome! I nearly had a little wee heart attack when he walked out on stage.

~Lizzy and I

Love, Awe & Rain

~Looking up to the trees, sky and squirrels

Today is a marvelously beautiful day! I'm bursting with wonder and gratitude. I love rainy, cloudy, overcast, cool days. They fill my heart right up with awe. I can really feel my insides swollen with love for this dear planet. I went outside today and sat amongst the trees and mud, breathing in the life that radiates from the evergreens.

I simply feel like I am overflowing a bit with pure awe, wonder, admiration and just appreciation for being alive and living and breathing. Lately I've found myself noticing myself in this body I inhabit. Just noticing how I am a living organism. Observing myself from another viewpoint in my mind as I move around, this can be referred to as Inner Body Awareness, or as I sometimes call it and feel it as "seeing through glass". What shall I call this feeling? Glass-Seeing perhaps. I was also thinking the other day, as I was driving half-blinded by the sun, how every single living thing on the Earth requires the sun to survive. And I was thinking about how humans require it just as much, yet people overlook that. They identify it as just the title of the sun. Perhaps associating it with warmth and beaches and tanning. But it is Life Force! We are living organisms just as any other organism! We are One with it all! We are all the same!


Sending love, light, peace and vibrations to everyone in the world!

My Cats

I have grown up with lots of cats. We kind of ended up collecting them. Rather, my mom had trouble putting her foot down when we'd beg for them at the pet store.

Beginning from fourteen years ago, we had: Ginger, Sebastian, Whiskers, Tessy, Tara, Scarlet, Paws, Panda, Ava and Riley. Ginger and Paws we kept for a very short time; we got rid of Whiskers for refusing his litter box when we introduced Tessy; my dad's ex-girlfriend claimed Scarlet; we put Panda down last year; and Sebastian (best cat in the entire world) was put down last week. So at this time I have four cats. Tessy and Ava at my moms house, and Tara and Riley at my dads.

I have learned a lot from my cats. Each of them have their own unique personality. My mom and I have talked about this before - those who don't have cats don't understand them, and those who don't understand them are missing out big time! Cats are very amazing animals. Humans develop a bond with their pets just as the pet develops a bond with their human. And I have had very strong bonds with my cats. Here is a collage of some of my lovable beauties:

From top left: Sebby, Tessy, Tara, Panda, Tessy & Sebby

Riley, Tara, Ava in a basket! and myself with Tara.

Miss you Seb and Panda!

Imagine by John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

I love these lyrics. I love what he is saying. I think me and John would have gotten along very nicely.