Juniper

When it rains, it pours.

That phrase sums up my life. It always seems to every now and again. My creative space has been disassembled and rearranged and messy and crazy and my life has been hectic and busy and everything's all over the place and it's exciting and fun and tiring and overwhelming and great. I've been reminded of the importance of mindful breathing. Always a trusted companion.

April has been good to me, I think. I'm still trying to decide. The tasks, oh the tasks! They're everywhere! My to-do list is beginning to boil over. One of the highlights of my life right now besides the painting and renovating and moving and working and more working is my new kitten. An 8 week old long haired fluffy fluff kitten that I have lovingly named Juniper. Junie or June for short. She always has this concerned, curious look on her face. Playful little thing. I love cats.

I guess the way I'm feeling these days is just a little all over the place (as per usual). I suppose it never really ends, I mean, I've certainly convinced myself in times past that everything eventually becomes settled and established and smooth and perfect but let's not be so foolish. It comes and it goes and it's great.

Quarrel

Chilly afternoon on the backyard grass yesterday

I sit and ponder
words to describe the passings before my eyes
around me, within me,
I listen.
Everything appears as scrambled as eggs,
yet perfect and orderly,
the Universe orchestrates its string quartet
and I allow it to be
the troublesome antics of life's little ways
offering quarrels between my heart and my head
but I trust
for trust is flow
so I allow it,
as I sit and ponder
words to describe the passings before my eyes.

metaphors & poetically-drenched life stories

This has happened before, where I haven't posted on here in a long while and the day I post again is the exact same day of the month as the last post I did.

I feel like a tree.
Or a flower.
A rose, perhaps. Or a daisy. I like those.

Finding my place has been the epitome of my life since July. Taking a seat, so to speak, and making myself comfortable in my own little world. I've been sifted, stirred up and left to settle. It's a mysterious world, I tell you, but it has all been grand and inevitable either way.

I've been feeling powerful and grateful and magical, also. Many wondrous things have crossed my path.

Metaphors aside and in all seriousness, I am posting here in a pitifully desperate attempt to reclaim my creativity. Why is it that I make my life so hard? As if I can't express myself elsewhere, I leave my poetically-drenched life stories in the hands of this blog.

Bangs, etc.

I got me some bangs last week. Was a result of my realizing I am where I am now, I am not in the future. Long story. Either way, I grabbed my pair of scissors and chopped 'em off. I had bangs for years and was always in love with them, though decided to begin growing them out last summer and found myself ever since wishing them back!

Cars & Pendants

If you were to ask me my thoughts on public transit, I'd tell you I really don't like it. I do enjoy train rides though.

I am a rather typical urban girl in terms of transportation. Getting my license was my first and foremost priority upon my 16th birthday. I have always had a thing for driving... I love it. So it has been very exciting as I got my very first car at the end of August. Exciting indeed! My life seems to have gotten busier and busier and getting my own vehicle has been necessary. It'll be handy until I'm ready to travel!

The first thing that came to my mind after getting my car was designing a chakra pendant for the rear-view mirror. I've had a vision of it since day one and so materialized that vision this afternoon at my local bead/gemstone shop.

I've made a beaded necklace before and quite enjoy the process of jewelry-making. Today I quietly sat, stringing beads and gems onto a wire. Focusing on absolutely nothing else but the preciseness of it all. That is, I find, the very best part about being totally enveloped in something. It's like when I draw or paint - I am in complete and utter focus on nothing but the world I am in.

If I really wanted to, I could...

Me, these days.

I don't know what it is but lately, late at night, I'm feeling just so inspired and creative! I want to share so many different things. I feel like I'm made of bubbles. I'm actually feeling ridiculously good these days. It's after midnight and I won't allow myself to sleep until I write.

I knew that after I completed my whirlwind-of-a-year of school, stress and other fun things, that I would really need to do some inner work. And I'm talkin' some real digging. Whilst roaming the small, crowded aisles of shelves and nooks of books and magic at my favourite local metaphysical shop, I spotted the book that I knew I would have to get at some point in my life: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Sounds kind of cheesy but no, it's actually brilliant.

Although I'll refrain from going into too many details, the gist of it is quite simply cultivating self-love. Delving into the layers of your life, beneath all the long-held negative thought patterns and ridiculous beliefs that serve us no good; acknowledging them, understanding them, moving through them, releasing them. Finding that pure part of us that is free of fears and full of self-love. Oh and not to mention, the book is jam-packed with amazing affirmations.

The outline of the book is very similar to a Psychology of Disease class I took, an Energy Medicine course, which was very deep. Full of soul-searching, reconciling, healing...

One of the main things that has really stuck out at me is her exercise on the word should. It's genius, and I totally agree. Using the word "should" is very limiting. In the words of Louise, using the word should means we either "are wrong or we were wrong or we are going to be wrong". Screw that. Instead of "I should..." it's all about this:

If I really wanted to, I could...

Because you see, could gives us choice. It was very powerful for me when I made a list of all the things I thought I "should" do in order to be or feel a certain way. By replacing it with "if I really wanted to, I COULD do this or that to be or feel this or that", it opens up a whole new world of understanding that we wholly choose what we want to think, feel and do. 

Wanna know what's also cool? If we really want to, we really can. Cause guess what? We live in a Universe of infinite possibilities.

I really should be sleeping now. Away I go!

Expression, Fall, Camping & Magic

I'm feeling particularly creative right now and really feel like writing. As I have mentioned here and elsewhere, my life has been the quintessence of change. I got lost a wee bit (more than once), but particularly in the process of opening my website - deciding what goes where, what posts should be shared at what location, losing touch with what feels right and authentic for me. This blog is very dear to my heart. I never thought it would become as such, but it has become quite meaningful. Sentimental. Special. Free Spirit Journal represents all of me; a safe vessel where I have allowed myself to free-flow creatively.

Anyways, what I am trying to say is that along my adventure into the world of website-owning, I didn't know what to do with this blog. Would I just neglect it? How would I utilize it? How should I continue to share? It was making me feel uneasy. All I know is that ultimately, continuing with this blog the way I always have is exactly what I want to do and makes me feel nice.

I wanted to share three things today. The fall, camping, and magic.

These days now I can really sense that autumn-like air. That September-esque vibe. And quite frankly, I like it. The fall is my very favourite season and for good reason. Cool, windy, brisk air. Red, orange, yellow leaves. Jackets. Boots. Scarves. Hats. Walks. Sidewalks. There's just simply a very characteristic feel about that time of year. Words can't quite describe. Feeling is the language of the Universe, after all ;-) I'm just really looking forward to it.

I got back yesterday from a weekend of camping up north in Huntsville, Ontario. I love nature, of course I was excited. I couldn't wait to be amongst trees and oxygen. I'm a forest fairy (people call me that anyway), I really relish in and resonate with the energies of trees, moss and earth. I'm also a Capricorn, an Earth element. A mountain goat. I like groundedness (but don't be fooled - I am a fairy after all!)

The weekend turned out to be 100% rain. I like to think of myself as a pretty optimistic person; before we left when the weatherman was calling for rain all weekend I was still feeling pretty nonchalant and even excited about prancing around in misty forest air. Ultimately I knew a lesson would be learned by the end of it, if anything.

No. Couldn't fool myself. It was awful. It wasn't even innocent, harmless rain that came and went. It was just perpetual showers with intermittent down-pours and thunder. Everything was wet, damp, moist, sticky. By the end of it we just laughed at how ridiculous the situation became. It only got worse, but more comical. However, I was still able to find a few moments of awe at the beauty of dewy, misty trees like the second picture shown. I wasn't going a whole 3 hours north without closing my eyes and breathing in the beauty of everything. It was so green!

I lastly just wanted to share a little tidbit of my day today. I went to one of my favourite metaphysical shops today. Every time I'm in there I'm always so overwhelmed. Too interested in everything I see so it's hard to focus on one thing at a time. Trinkets are everywhere, books, candles, incense, crystals, gemstones. I got a little "Magic" star that I'm going to keep in my wallet. It very particularly stood out for me because "magic" seems to me my word of choice for most things I describe. I just say it a lot for some reason. It represents everything in life - everything is just... magic. :)

Meg

Journals & Synchronicity

Writing has always been a big part of my life. Ever since I was very young I've always had diaries and journals; scrap pieces of paper were always put to use with doodles and poetry. When it comes to finding my equilibrium, I recharge through solitude. I cocoon myself into a world of introspection and creative expression. Writing (as well as art) is a form of release for me: an outlet for my plethora of thoughts, feelings, questions, answers, ideas, imaginations, explanations, fears and joys. It's important for us to connect with that which brings us harmony and fulfillment.

I go through about two journals per year. I just finished my last one and so really wanted to treat myself to something special as the past year of my life has been quite intense - I wanted one to represent my new beginning. I've been going through a re-birth of sorts and it has been magical to say the least. To put it simply, I've just been wonder-struck at the power of dreams, intentions and manifestation.

What really blew me away though the other night after I purchased my new journal was the meaning behind it in which I discovered on the sticker attached to it. It wrote:

Almond Blossom Journal
Happiness: it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. - Vincent Van Gogh
~ Symbolizing new, invigorating, budding life, Vincent Van Gogh's Branch of an Almond Tree in Blossom inspires our creative souls to bloom.

Ah, synchronicity. My life has been full of nothing short of *newness*, *invigoration*, *budding* and *achievement*. I can very well correlate the stage of my life to that of a blossom. The meaning behind the artwork on the cover of this journal really couldn't have been any more fitting. I do believe that when we are in alignment with our joys and our highest good everything falls into place, and a lot of times it is confirmed via synchronistic events.

Stillness

This moment.
Flowing without resistance.

Lost self,
but in silence I realize I AM always here.
Inwards & within resides the essence of WHO I AM.
All else dissipates, disintegrates, evaporates;
darkness disappears with light shone upon it.

And there I am. Patiently waiting.
Unshakable. Impenetrably still.

A Goddess lives inside.
Unaffected, unconditioned
she waits.

The pushing and pulling;
energies distributed unevenly but,
affected is the external I
unaffected is the internal

Soul soars in silence.

Sifting, Sorting, Nurturing & a Desk

I spent yesterday painting this desk. I have been searching for one for the past few months for school. I had this vision in my mind of a simple wooden four-legged desk with a drawer, and that's what I was set on.

But, yesterday I was browsing through a thrift store and came across this desk. I figured the drawers would definitely be useful. It was originally wooden and carved into with pencils from little children. It was $7.00. I took it home. And tried to lug it out of my car by myself but was seriously mistaken when I was left holding it stuck halfway out. A man drove by me, reversed, asked if I needed help, and then saved my life. And then I, jolly as can be, painted it a rusty red.

Since last night I have been rearranging, simplifying, tidying, sifting and sorting through my bedroom (and mySELF). Things are beginning to feel clearer and calmer and more peaceful and steadier.

I had a fairly large list of things that I needed to get done this week and I accomplished them all! I bought some of my books for school, all of which I am eagerly excited about reading. I was reading through a couple of them last night and had to put them down because I'll end up reading the whole thing before school even starts. I think that's a sure sign that what you're studying is of interest...!
I was feeling terribly overwhelmed the past couple of weeks. Just disorderly and imbalanced, because of all the things I had to do and prepare for, such as my final G-class drivers license road test that I was really not wanting to do but I passed it ;-).

I have also been nurturing myself with lots of greens and veggies:



Soup: 3 tomatoes, 1/2 cucumber, few leaves of kale, handful of baby spinach, few stalks celery and carrots and a clove of garlic thrown into a blender then added to a cooked pot of 1/2 cup red lentils/1 cup water. Stirred just to warm up, not to a boil! Some himalayan salt, dash of pepper and a swirl of olive oil on top ~
I seem to post lots of soup recipes, but it's just that they are SO easy and delicious and quick and my blender is pretty much my best friend.

Healing your Creativity

Stones I painted yesterday

The stone painted youth was from when I was a child. The word seemed suitable and represents how each and everyone of us, regardless of age, possess some form of youth. The freedom stone I found by the lake I live right by (Lake Ontario to be exact) and when I picked it up I just automatically thought of freedom. We are all free.


My most recent lesson I did for my e-course consisted of "healing" our creativity, or getting "unstuck" from a creative rut:

What would happen if everything I wanted was open and available to me?
I think it would be a good thing in some ways that all the things I'm passionate about would be so attainable... however I would be missing that sense of challenge and true achievement. As well, since it would all be available, I'd come up with all kinds of other things to reach for and if they were also so readily available then there would be no excitement. There's bliss, learning, growing and healing inside of every challenge and every journey.

What would happen if I believed in myself, fully and completely?
I would be a lot more willing to do the things I desire deep down. I wouldn't worry so much. I'd open my arms to failure rather than shy away.

What kind of creative dream fire could I ignite if I was given a spark of positive energy?
Inspiration to be fearless.

Heal your creativity :)

Nighttime Creativity

I find myself the most creative at night, when I'm alone floppin around my room getting ready for bed. Doodling, journaling, thinking. I tend to put forth most of my effort with painting and drawing during the day; but nighttime is surely a time for sole creativity.

Sometimes it's a bit frustrating, in a lighthearted way, because my mind will become overloaded with ideas and inspirations and thoughts and my ambitious self seems to surface; and I can't help but wonder why must I be so creative when I'm getting ready for sleep?? All the wonderful things I come up with would be nice first thing in the morning, but mornings are rather the opposite of creative.

This creative quality time I spend with myself is one of my favourite times. It allows me to catch all my thoughts of the day and put my mind in order. To calm my inner self down, to be free minded, free spirited, to just be. I think sometimes - perhaps most of the time - during the day we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves in the busyness, the outer world. Nighttime is the perfect time to reclaim ourselves back to our inner world.

Even in the midst of everyday busyness, I am still able to catch myself here and there and tune in to what is really going on around me.