Home

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The earth is alive

all around there is singing

the voices of chickadees

a robin

a stream of water

The glowing silhouette of tiny insects

flutter before the setting sun

they all have a place to be

I wonder where they go

I wonder what they do

I wonder what they see.

The orange sun falls lower in the sky;

and just above the fence it greets me

a good evening

a good night

It's bright and satiating and

fills my thirsty body with light

I breathe in

the world around me smells so green;

the grass is dewy

the ground is soft

and beneath the lilac tree

somehow I'm home. 

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An Afternoon On My Bed

Silky rain outside my window

plush fur and rolling purrs

nestled by my feet

acoustic guitar

sweet melodies

voices soaked in heart and soul

Trees as still as stone

buds and blooms and beginnings of blossoms

Soft light, late 'noon hue

My feet are cold but

my bed is warm and

it holds me still in

this moment where I

feel peaceful and good.

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sensitive

Oh, it's June apparently. Hello, June. You're also the name of my cat. A feisty, fluffy, juniper-berry-eyed 4 month old.

I've decided I'm just going to be completely open and honest, because that's what I need to do. I'm having a terrible case of writer's block but I feel that if I just openly discuss my frustration with it, then it will enable my words to flow. It's helping.

One of the reasons why I've been having writer's block lately is because I have been feeling very perfectionistic (I don't even know if that is a word but I'm using it anyway). It's actually extremely frustrating to have this extremely "stuck" feeling when it comes to doing something, or writing in this case. I want to freely express all colours of my human experience, to erase the duality in my mind; to blend the black and the white as being equally beautiful. I can't merely express the light for it wouldn't be so without the dark.

In various instances in my life lately I've been feeling like I'm stuck in this giant pool of glue and I just wish I could swim freely through a lake of nonchalance. It's too bad, however, I'm really not that nonchalant of a person. I can be, but I'm actually a very sensitive person who worries needlessly about things that don't need to be worried about. Like my most recent fear of having atrial fibrillation. I've been having these annoying heart palpitations over the past year and a half. Don't ask.

I've been experiencing some messy in my life, but messy is a component of life, a fraction of this universe, a lone thread through the weaving of our cosmos. We wouldn't have real life without the messy, the difficult, the afraid, the uncomfortable. Why is it so darn scary to talk about? To admit? To ourselves and to others. We all experience the same things but in our own unique ways.

A major mess for me has been the various deep-rooted chains within me that I have been battling to break free from. There's been so much uncertainty within my heart's integrity and it's not easy. I know so strongly what is right for me, but there are just so many pressures and conventions in this society that paralyze me, that paralyze so many of us. It's all Divine and it's all perfect and right and good. It's a progress. A beautiful progress but, it takes time and it takes a heavy-duty scrub brush and hands and knees. It takes allowing the frightened child inside that shivers against the sensation of isolation. It takes quiet and stillness; breath and the welcoming of clarity found deeply, deeply within but always present.

found

Found Self,

magic erupts with a peaceful mind

heart ever-expanding

ever-lasting knowing...

fear escapes, inhabiting a new world

love is found within and

freedom downpours

bound by the sky

a limitless flight.

I've been so indecisive. I've thought I've known the answer, and then I have no idea. It's the realness that frightens me yet all she is, is freedom. Abundant offerings are found along the path of Truth.

I guess throughout the winter I did lose track of parts of me. A readily influenced, timid chameleon. All the busyness has left me dazed and docile. Fear has been holding hands tightly with Ego and one foot in front of the other they lead except, their destination is a foreign land.

The trees whisper clarity and paint me with answers. The stillness is freeing and the frozen winter is literally a frozen standstill.

A found self is reclaimed amidst peace. Peace is found in silence. Silence is found in stillness. Stillness is found in  us.

Wisdom lies beneath

and he's terribly patient.

Wonder

Today was just one of those mornings. One of those wonderful, wonderland mornings. Outside, a land, a place full of wonderful things. I awoke dazzled by the snowflakes dancing outside my window and without hesitation threw on my warm winter coat and meandered through Narnia.

Last night my mom asked to speak with me. Inspired, she elaborated on her newest musings on the topic of presence. Living in the moment. That ever-elusive concept in today's world of really being here, of embodying the Now. Myself being someone who has always struggled with attention and being distracted easily, I think about today's technologically-driven world. I think about the distractions so potent around us and the lack of focus, mindfulness and awareness as a result. 

As she  spoke so eloquently, I sat. I felt my presence deepen as I listened and remembered the value you receive when you are fully and wholeheartedly present.

She began telling me about a poem of people who lived their lives constantly waiting for the future, always waiting for happiness once this happens, after that happens. And then they're dying. I think about how I have been living my life lately in this way, so consumed by the future. Goals, plans, dreams, visions, excitements - it's all wondrous and perfect but it's important not to let them take you away from the beauty of life now. I remember that part of my journey that I somewhat lost touch with; how it feels to truly be in the moment, to genuinely see the beauty around, to be fully fascinated by the wonders of what already is. Today on my magical snowy walk, it is this that I embraced. 

When I sense my life passing before me, I know it's time to slow down. I've made a post on this before and I will again, but I find it particularly life-changing to wake up early, preferably with the sunrise. Days feel fuller, longer, slower.

Time for me to bring out some Eckhart Tolle. Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about. It's all about the Power of Now.

On another note, after I returned home from my walk in a winter wonderland I made a giant, delicious, wholesome smoothie consisting of 2 bananas, frozen peaches, mangoes, strawberries and raspberries, vanilla almond milk, hemp, wheatgrass and spinach. Delight!

I will leave you with one of my favourite quotes from The Power of Now:

"Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now."

Stillness

This moment.
Flowing without resistance.

Lost self,
but in silence I realize I AM always here.
Inwards & within resides the essence of WHO I AM.
All else dissipates, disintegrates, evaporates;
darkness disappears with light shone upon it.

And there I am. Patiently waiting.
Unshakable. Impenetrably still.

A Goddess lives inside.
Unaffected, unconditioned
she waits.

The pushing and pulling;
energies distributed unevenly but,
affected is the external I
unaffected is the internal

Soul soars in silence.

Oneness

Hello June

I took the time to meditate for a few minutes today and found myself on another astral plane characterized by unexplainable sensations of nothingness. I entered the cosmic realm of transparency. The subtle ambient music occupying space in the background turned into nothing but wavelengths of sound. Frequencies. Vibrations. An exquisite oasis of serenity filled my heart to the brim; freedom transfused into my cells.

Oneness, oneness, oneness.

Pique

Oh, life.
What is it?
Yesterday the wind piqued my curiosity
and today the rain is heavy and the sounds wash through me
while I sit beside my window.
The fallen droplets are crystal clear and they represent
sustenance
cleanse
release
grow
life.

Here is a mind-blowing quote of inspiration:

You have more raw brain power and creative
ability than you have ever used in your lifetime.
Your brain has over 100 billion cells,
each of which is connected to as many as 20 thousand other cells
by a complex network of ganglia and dendrites.
This means that the possible combinations and
permutations of cells in your brain is greater than
the number of molecules in the known universe.
Your ability to develop ideas, learn new information,
grasp simple and complex theories
is infinite and
unlimited.

Patient and Still

I have been practicing proper breathing. I'm really enjoying it.

What I've been doing is inhaling deeply and fully through the abdomen first, allowing it to rise to its fullest, then fully through the chest, rising to its fullest. Then exhaling completely through the chest first, lowering to its emptiest, and then abdomen, lowering to its emptiest. I've found that it brings me into a deep state of inner awareness, and it brings me to a very peaceful meditative state while focusing on counting the full breaths I take.

It forces you to be patient and still.

Stretch

I feel so connected.

I have been doing lots of yoga and meditating these days and I am feeling so deeply connected to myself. Connected to the deep layers within me, the thorough awareness, radiating Oneness and vibrant aliveness that is found at the core of our Being. I can feel my creative juices loosening and my mind clearing. The feelings that stretching brings, when you raise your arms up and bend to the side; when you swan-dive downwards and feel the stretch and expansion along your back; when you can feel the equalization of muscle relaxation and emotional release. I sometimes find myself feeling emotional when I am centering myself into the state of pure inner awareness as I breathe deeply and stretch my body.

I know for absolute certainty that all the fresh, lively, energetic raw foods from the Earth that I have been eating have been electrifying my soul and lifting my consciousness up and beyond. I have been reaping the benefits of a state of ultra mental clarity and peace and love and wonder and contentment and basically, if you take all the beautiful things in the world like trees and air and daisies and a waterfall and you squash them together into a molded form of love and then turn it into an effervescent spirit of exuberance and then breathe it in deeply, that's how I feel.

MAN I feel GOOD! You know what I'm feeling right now?
LIFE FORCE!

Tea Lights

Lately I have been really enjoying lighting candles around my room and today I got these little tea lights. I thought they were just perfect. I love the atmosphere that a dark, candlelit room has; it's so calming and warm and emanates pure peace. Allows for some deep connecting with the universe and the Self.

I'm feeling a little peculiar right now. It seems as though it didn't take long this year for the sun to go down later in the evening. Out my window right now the sky and trees look so bewitched. The sky is a dim robin-egg blue, casting a black silhouette of all the tall trees. A sight like this really makes me ponder. Mmm, Yesterday by The Beatles is the perfect tune for this peculiarity.

I'm going to light all my candles tonight and do some serious meditating.

Sun Meditation

Early this morning I sat on a chair in my dining room and absorbed the brightness of the sunshine on my face. I closed my eyes, focused on my breath, and envisioned the sun filling me up with energy. It was so bright, though warm and vibrant. For several minutes I just absorbed. Quietly.

A beautiful morning for the beginning of a new month. I wonder what March will bring...

Snow & Meditation

I've been very sick the past several days with the flu. It hasn't been very nice at all. I had a really high fever for a couple of days, and whenever I get a fever I get delirious. One time when I had a fever I was in bed and I thought there were a bunch of businessmen in my bedroom who I had to give all my blankets to (???). And the other day I was half sleeping/tossing/turning/moaning/crying out of discomfort and I thought I was wearing a polka dot dress...?

Anyway, what I wanted to write about was something that was very lovely that I did yesterday. When I was meditating, I suddenly came up with the idea that I wanted to relocate my meditation to my backyard in the snow. So I got off my mat, put on my brothers big winter coat, a hat and scarf, mittens and my boots and I went out into my backyard. And I flopped onto the thick fluffy snow. And I just lay there. I just looked right up to the big trees. And then a pleasant surprise, little wee frosty snowflakes slowly melted one by one one my face. It was so perfect.

Nothing else matters when you're out in nature.

Radiance

I saw the moon yesterday morning and it was huge and bright and the patterns on it were so visible and beautiful. I saw it and envisioned how it is out in space, floating, as we are here on Earth.
I also had no idea there was a lunar eclipse the night before. I'm very sad I missed it. Also very sad that I wasn't able to capture a picture of the big bright moon in the morning.

And I'm fantastically wonderful. I watched a video today about meditation, cosmic energy and astral bodies/travels. Oh yes. Indeed I meditated as well today.

I feel so very good.
So joyous, so abundant. Life-full, beautiful. Peaceful, love, happiness radiating in every direction from my soul.

December is being very good to me. Bringing me lots of lovely feelings. I've been connecting even more so with nature by wearing my hair natural, which is curly. I have always straightened it out of the inability to accept, embrace and manage the naturalness. However I accept it more than ever now.

Peace love happiness fulfillment wonder beauty life! Embrace it all, every moment, every day!

Precious Pendant

I bought this pendant yesterday from one of my favourite shops. I am totally in my element when browsing through that place. I could spend all day and night in there. The lady let me choose a piece of black string and tied it on for me. She wonderfully tied the necklace together in such a way that I can adjust the length of it. I adore the pendant; yoga and meditation is a sacred practice for me so this necklace means a lot.

I went to the art store today and bought some canvas and a pad of water colour paper. I'm very excited to use it :) .

The Earth is our Biological Mother

We come from our mothers who came from their mothers who came from mothers all the way back when there was just a tiny organism that multiplied. That organism came from the Earth, in some way or another. Our mothers are not our biological mothers, for it is the Earth that is our true origin.

We will always only be one with nature as much as nature is one with us. We are nature.

Some art I created today

Since I've begun working two jobs, I have noticed my mind and body become so very stressed out. I've helplessly cried to my mom a few times lately because I just feel exhausted and worked to the bone and I have lacked one of my most favourite things in the world - solitude. I have four days off so I finally have a chance to do some things. I meditated today. And when I meditate I repeat several different phrases to myself:

I am only existing.

There is only me. I am only me.

I make my own choices. Nobody chooses for me.

I am beautiful. I love myself.

I'll also often just contemplate the Universe as I sit. And I'll think about life and nature and being alive. And in the midst of my positive affirmations I had the urge to create some art. And that I did.

Some little thoughts,

Love,
Meghan

Yoga, Meditation and How it All Works

I did some lovely yoga today.

Not very long ago I didn't totally understand how yoga really worked or how to achieve that wonderful state of mind they always talk about. But recently I had a realization or an epiphany of some sort where I suddenly understood how it all works. Basically, yoga boils down to meditation which boils down to mindfulness.

Mindfulness, not in the sense of just plain ol' being mindful of your actions, but as in being completely and totally and thoroughly aware of any given moment - completely tuned in to how your body feels. So essentially this is what meditation is, and yoga is just meditation with movement. I was so excited when I understood this because I had been longing for some beautiful meditative sessions where I actually felt that inner peacefulness without getting restless or let down. It's all so simple now. Mindfulness.

When it comes to the breathing, the poses and breathing go hand in hand; and it should come naturally - when you breathe in, you should naturally feel the urge to raise your arms and stretch or bend forward and feel your spine. When you breathe out you should naturally feel the urge to lower your arms or whichever movement you feel is right for you in that moment. Lovely lovely lovely.