Patience

It's December 1st and I've already chosen my 'word' for 2020, something I always like to choose for each new year to represent what I'd like to (try to) embody.

My word for 2020 is patience. I wouldn't be surprised if I've chosen it before.

Patience is something I've admittedly lacked for most of my life. If I'm not where I want to be or if I don't have what I want, an uneasiness bubbles inside of me.

Yet patience teaches us to be still, to be present, and to be content with what is happening in front of us. There's an element of living in the now when we're patient, an element of being okay with what is while we dream our little dreams and work towards them.

I'm a dreamer, it's true, and it's a good thing. It's a powerful thing. When we focus our energy on the things we want to achieve, we're able to take ourselves to bigger and better places. But when we fixate on those things -- seeing them and them only -- we become frustrated. Impatient one might say. The dreams look all too appealing, too good to resist, and seemingly superior to our life right now.

I have human moments just like any other. I want all the things, too:

When I was single, I couldn't wait to have a boyfriend. When I lived at home, I couldn't wait to have my own place. When I lived in the suburbs, I couldn't wait to live downtown someday. When I had debt, I couldn't wait to pay it all off.

And then I got all those things, and now I can't wait for other things like buying a house, getting a dog, getting married or having kids.

Of course though we can wait, and in fact, waiting for our desires to come to fruition at the right time (when we're better prepared, have more savings for a down payment, etc.) makes them 100x more rewarding once we have them.

There's nothing worse than the feeling of rushing in to something, such as a purchase or a decision,  only to feel like it would have been way better to just wait.

If I let myself get caught up in my wants, I feel incredibly dissatisfied with my 'right now'. Yet, my life right now is so rich, so full, so beautiful. Gratitude is an essential component to living a happy life, especially when we remember that there are always going to be things to want, regardless of whether we've achieved our 'dream life' or not.

It's not about complacency, settling, or letting go of the things we want in life. Not at all. It's just about being content with our journeys and enjoying the sightseeing along the way. There's beauty in every inch of the path we're on

An Afternoon On My Bed

Silky rain outside my window

plush fur and rolling purrs

nestled by my feet

acoustic guitar

sweet melodies

voices soaked in heart and soul

Trees as still as stone

buds and blooms and beginnings of blossoms

Soft light, late 'noon hue

My feet are cold but

my bed is warm and

it holds me still in

this moment where I

feel peaceful and good.

___

curls & barrettes

I must say I've gone astray

where did it all go?

but not all of it

there's a humming in the background

a pebble of patience lies beneath

lost inside the whirling wind

my feathers are plucked

and left behind

a small child picks them up

and it's fascinating

Guess what I discovered two days ago? The barrette. I've been adoring this miraculous invention. Growing up I always disliked my hair and struggled hugely with managing its crazy messiness. My hair is naturally very curly and I always wanted straight, smooth, silky hair like everyone else. I always felt like "why me?"

I've straightened my hair since I was 13 years old and only over the past couple of years have I actually grown to embrace my natural curls. It's been a mixture of gravitating towards living naturally, and becoming too lazy to do anything with it. I used to think there was absolutely no way that I could ever enjoy my curly curls but, I think maturity knocks some sense into us. Why is adolescence so dramatic and horrible?

The barrette isn't just any old clip, people, it's miracle work. It pins my hair back so snugly and doesn't wiggle around and since it clips horizontally instead of vertically, it holds my hair down flat. I'm just really... really excited about this. I've never used a clip as fantastic as this one before. This is a big deal. Pretty much life-changing.

Wonder

Today was just one of those mornings. One of those wonderful, wonderland mornings. Outside, a land, a place full of wonderful things. I awoke dazzled by the snowflakes dancing outside my window and without hesitation threw on my warm winter coat and meandered through Narnia.

Last night my mom asked to speak with me. Inspired, she elaborated on her newest musings on the topic of presence. Living in the moment. That ever-elusive concept in today's world of really being here, of embodying the Now. Myself being someone who has always struggled with attention and being distracted easily, I think about today's technologically-driven world. I think about the distractions so potent around us and the lack of focus, mindfulness and awareness as a result. 

As she  spoke so eloquently, I sat. I felt my presence deepen as I listened and remembered the value you receive when you are fully and wholeheartedly present.

She began telling me about a poem of people who lived their lives constantly waiting for the future, always waiting for happiness once this happens, after that happens. And then they're dying. I think about how I have been living my life lately in this way, so consumed by the future. Goals, plans, dreams, visions, excitements - it's all wondrous and perfect but it's important not to let them take you away from the beauty of life now. I remember that part of my journey that I somewhat lost touch with; how it feels to truly be in the moment, to genuinely see the beauty around, to be fully fascinated by the wonders of what already is. Today on my magical snowy walk, it is this that I embraced. 

When I sense my life passing before me, I know it's time to slow down. I've made a post on this before and I will again, but I find it particularly life-changing to wake up early, preferably with the sunrise. Days feel fuller, longer, slower.

Time for me to bring out some Eckhart Tolle. Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about. It's all about the Power of Now.

On another note, after I returned home from my walk in a winter wonderland I made a giant, delicious, wholesome smoothie consisting of 2 bananas, frozen peaches, mangoes, strawberries and raspberries, vanilla almond milk, hemp, wheatgrass and spinach. Delight!

I will leave you with one of my favourite quotes from The Power of Now:

"Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now."

Oh What Fun

I just realized it's a full moon tonight! So, happy full moon! I'm sitting at my rusty red painted desk before my window, with little tea lights and incense holders in front of me. My blinds are open and out ahead is the view of snow covered evergreens and pines. It's dim, grey, but looks very pleasant; as if I'm in a wooden house in a swampy forest, with a mug of vanilla rooibos tea, wool blankets and knitted sweaters. Outside there would be elves of the benevolent variety.

So, it finally snowed. Not in time for Christmas day, but close enough. Wintertime is much greener than it used to be here in Southern Ontario so I get pretty excited when it finally arrives, especially when it's more than just a dusting.

I wanted to share a few moments and favourites from my Christmas this year. Although I tend to ask for no more than things I find of actual use, I did receive many beautiful gifts. One being the most darling necklace that could ever exist - my magical silver Unicorn necklace. I have a serious affinity for Unicorns... I swear they are my spirit animal. I just love 'em!

I'd have to say the ultimate champion of the gifts I received are my food processor and blender. My dad got me the most beastly food processor, and by beastly I just mean completely awesome, and heavy. If this food processor was a human it would probably be a body builder. My brother also got me a pretty sweet blender - the Ninja to be exact. Now, as a nutritionist, these things are insanely exciting. When I first got into raw foods there were so many recipes that called for the use of a food processor of which I never had. So I'd always make use of my extremely poor quality blender for things like raw truffles, pesto and sauces. The blender I've been using can't even make a smoothie smooth, so it hasn't exactly been ideal and has definitely swayed me from utilizing it as often as I'd like to. I'm just so incredibly excited to start making all sorts of fun things that I'll actually be able to make!

Lastly, I'm very, very grateful for the windshield wiper fluid, snow scraper and giant tub of medjool dates I was given.

Here we have the three Irish/Scottish Livingstone siblings in their natural habitat sipping on some marvelous sparkling white wine. Oh how I love sparkling white wine. My younger brother, Jonathan, who turned 16 on Christmas day is on the left, and my older brother, Adam, on the right.

Happy Holidays!

Living, Doing, Now

The early morning is, in my humble opinion, the best time of day. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I have enveloped myself in early morning bliss.

I’ve gotten frustrated. For too long I’ve neglected the parts of me that need nourishment through that which brings me joy (this includes waking up with the sunrise, meditating and going for early morning nature walks). I work late most of the time and as a result end up staying up late, sleeping in later, and feeling as though my life is passing before my eyes because I’ve struggled to find that balance.

Lately I’ve been so inspired and driven to carry out all of the things I have wanted to be doing. The things I wish I was doing. And that’s the thing; so often we think ahead to the non-existent future where there lies all sorts of colourful, perfect visualizations of our life.

Look closely at the present moment you are constructing, it should look like the future you are dreaming. -Alice Walker

And that’s it. How else can we live the life we desire if we aren’t doing it already?

I got up this morning at 6 o’clock and did everything I’ve been yearning to do. So many emotions surfaced. Such an incredible surge of pure, pure, pure joy. I sat quietly on my yoga mat, next to a candle. Infused myself with centered~ness. I stretched. I opened my window and breathed in the influx of penetratingly crisp, sweet air. I stepped outside for a walk and immediately felt energized with indescribable bliss. The morning, you see, is the most beautiful time of day. The beaming sunrise dazzles everything. And the dew! Oh the dew. The air smells so much sweeter within that early dampness.

The best part of all about waking up early is the broadening of your entire day. You see more, experience more, feel more. It’s life-changing.

Thanks

This past weekend was Thanksgiving here in Canada so in the spirit of it, I’d like to make a post of all the things I’m thankful for. I would have liked to share the vegan pumpkin pudding I’ve been fiddling around with, but I am still in the process of perfecting the recipe.

I’m thankful for…

1. Spending time and bonding with my family… I’ve truly grown to love family gatherings.
2. The crazily comforting and familiar taste of our family holiday dinners
3. Sweet white wine playfully served by my lively sommelier Uncle
4. The breathtakingly clear starlit sky from the other night that I gazed upon around 3am
5. Finding miscellaneous moments to meditate (even if only for 30 seconds), like I did this afternoon in my car.

Nature, Serenity & Simple Things

First of all, happy 25th birthday to my older brother, Adam!

I went to my very favourite forest/conservation area this evening with my younger brother. Originally to trek through some trails, but found ourselves climbing trees instead. The weather and early October landscape has been breathtaking these days. Fall, being my favourite season, brings me tremendous joy. I feel so much peace from the breezes, the colours, the indescribable essence of it all.

I’ve been wanting to express my feelings of gratitude for simple things such as this. For it is oh but the little things that bring us joy and  lasting fulfillment. The temporary means of fulfillment that material possessions provide is  pathetic in comparison.

I was jolted with a deep sense of serenity when I looked in the distance at the colourful trees. I cannot explain it fully, but in essence, I felt as though the troubles found in this artificial world we live in were meaningless. Being in nature reminds us of what we are, who we are, where we are. Shifts our perspective, shifts our focus.

Cool breezes; foggy, misty afternoons; sunrises; rustling leaves; overcast days in the fall. A few things that I am ever-grateful for and that never cease to bring me complete and utter joy.

Today’s affirmation:

I am free, even in the midst of limitation within the illusions of life.

Sweet Fallen Rain ~

And I lay there lengthwise
eyes closed
resting my head
upon the arm
and I smelled the air
out the window,
the sweet
fallen
rain.

Love, Awe & Rain

~Looking up to the trees, sky and squirrels

Today is a marvelously beautiful day! I'm bursting with wonder and gratitude. I love rainy, cloudy, overcast, cool days. They fill my heart right up with awe. I can really feel my insides swollen with love for this dear planet. I went outside today and sat amongst the trees and mud, breathing in the life that radiates from the evergreens.

I simply feel like I am overflowing a bit with pure awe, wonder, admiration and just appreciation for being alive and living and breathing. Lately I've found myself noticing myself in this body I inhabit. Just noticing how I am a living organism. Observing myself from another viewpoint in my mind as I move around, this can be referred to as Inner Body Awareness, or as I sometimes call it and feel it as "seeing through glass". What shall I call this feeling? Glass-Seeing perhaps. I was also thinking the other day, as I was driving half-blinded by the sun, how every single living thing on the Earth requires the sun to survive. And I was thinking about how humans require it just as much, yet people overlook that. They identify it as just the title of the sun. Perhaps associating it with warmth and beaches and tanning. But it is Life Force! We are living organisms just as any other organism! We are One with it all! We are all the same!


Sending love, light, peace and vibrations to everyone in the world!

Favourite Gift and the Sky

This is my favourite present I was given for Christmas. It's a bracelet with a crystal tree pendant and on the flip side it reads live the green life. The little tin it came in said "live in the present". Isn't that so clever? And I'm totally all about living in the moment ;)
My other favourite present is the calendar I got. Every Christmas I get a new calendar, and I love getting new ones. I just love putting them up and changing the page for each new month. This year I asked for a calendar with either mountains, nature, or something of the like with inspirational quotes if possible (I love inspirational quotes). The calendar I got is landscape photographs of Canada.

You know, this is the first Christmas where I really didn't want anything.  I just don't have that desire for things like I used to.

I'm excited for the new year. This year went by so fast. Time in general is going by so fast... it never seemed to. Christmas happened so out of nowhere that I barely noticed it. Usually each year I have some sort of miniature exciting countdown in my head but this year it was just like "Oh, now it's Boxing Day." Perhaps it's because I've been working so much...

Either way, the new year is approaching so very quickly and I know 2011 is going to be a good year. Every year to come will be a good one... because I am more aware now than ever of this deep never-ending journey I am on that just keeps teaching me all kinds of new lessons all the time.

One more thing I wanted to mention is about the sky. Lately I have noticed that I look up to the sky a lot. And when I look up to it, it grounds me. You know what I mean? I look to it and I think of its limitless boundaries and the space and stars and Universe that's up there. That we're in, rather. But when I think of this, it removes the seriousness of daily life from the moment and reminds me that we are only floating in space. And how can we take that seriously? It's laughable. There's nothing to worry about, nothing to fret over, there are no problems, life is life. It is what it is. No worries. Because we're floating around in space.

I always seem to talk about the Universe on this blog. I guess I think about it a lot.

Happy holidays