Twenty Six

Today is my 26th birthday.

I booked today off work, a snowy Tuesday that has turned into heavy, slushy rain; but I spent the entire day listening to a meditation playlist, drinking banana-coconut milk, baking grain-free birthday brownies, blushing over the amount of well wishes, and doing a little bit of reading.

This birthday is the very first birthday out of all of my birthdays where I feel a little bit of discomfort. Usually I am lively and ecstatic on my special day, and I love to celebrate, but this time around the sun I'm feeling a little out of sorts.

My birthday is very close to the holiday season, and my holidays this year were a little somber. I found myself unusually wishing for Christmas to hurry up and be over and for New Years to quickly pass. I am still just processing some big, big stuff, and I'm thankful it is 2017, because 2016 was full to the brim with the difficulty of ending a relationship and the rise of some digestive health issues.

I've been spending a lot of time the past little while working on myself and filling up my pockets with a bounty of positivity in the form of affirmations and things of the like. In fact, my bedroom is stocked with tiny little notes of reassuring and encouraging words to keep me from twirling downward into that scary dark hole of anxiety and horrible thoughts. I must say, I feel really great as a result; I wake each morning telling myself my life is unfolding perfectly, that I can handle anything that comes my way, and that I always know the answers.

Being alone is scary, but it's thrilling. Regardless of what's behind me and what's to come, I am happy, and I'm excited about the future. I trust myself, the path I've walked thus far, and the path that's before me - whatever stones and twigs and roses I find along the way.