april lessons

Salutations, month of May. It has been a long while since I've contemplatively recapitulated on what I have learned from the previous month. Oh April, you were a teacher indeed.

In fact, now that I really think about it, April certainly was a teacher and the lessons were explosive. April being the consequential month of March's springtime endeavors of blooming, birthing and renewal left me with opportunities abound and they have been very blinding. It's borderline ridiculous. It's not actually the opportunities themselves that have been so seemingly forceful and harassing, but rather my relatively new-found tendency to have great difficulties turning them down. Even so the ones that quite loudly do not resonate with my heart.

April unraveled into a strenuous month of yes versus no; decisions to be made, growth to be had, expansion to be experienced. Truthfully, I wished for myself to not have to make any more god damn decisions by the third week but, of course, they kept coming full swing because April was the month of following my heart. So naturally, I had to have experienced trying situations which required me to employ great efforts and courage to do what was right for me. It's not an easy gig being honest with guilt. Guilt. Now that's the verb of the month. I've lost count on my fingers how many consecutive instances I have felt that gnawing, drowning sense of guilt. It's not particularly comfortable.

By the final, fourth week of April I was un-coincidentally reunited with my path. My purpose. My soul's joy. It was as if it was knocking on my door for ages and I finally opened up. I must learn to cease my mind's useless fictional chatter. Until then, the pondering will carry on.

I think the lessons that have been learned are that doing what's right, following your Truth, speaking up and being authentic isn't always in someone or something else's best interest. But at the very least, we can move forward knowing that it is in ours.