shift

There's so much to say that I barely know where to begin. Sometimes it can be especially hard to express the inner world when there's just so much that it is composed of. But I have been well. I am well. Life is all well.

So far 2014 has been good to me. I've been wildly busy but my life is rich and abundant with newness and change, all of which feels extraordinarily good in my bones. I turned 23 in the middle of January, scored a second dream job, and had my hair accidentally dyed more blonde than I intended. I'm witnessing all the changes in my life, how we mold and adapt to our circumstances; how plans change, shift, wither, bloom, flourish, fade. My path has been wild and captivating and despite that which influences me, makes me eager, makes me flee, there is an element to who I am that is solid as stone; unshakable, indomitable.

But change is fun, and terrifying, but probably only because I worry too much and over-analyze the most unnecessary of details. So much has changed in my life though, drastically actually, and it scares me because I ponder endlessly about the 'what ifs' of it all. Am I being realistic? Was I being realistic? Reality has been confusing for me, questionable indeed, for I've witnessed and experienced it all and I can't help but pain over why things are the way they are, backwards and twisted, and yet entirely normal.

I suppose these troubling things sort themselves out but regardless, sometimes I wish I didn't know so much, and that's what scares me the most.