Tuesday, July 3, 2012
A Disturbing Dream of Falling
I actually had such a disturbing, jarring dream last night that I need to blog about it. I've never experienced such a dream, and trust me I've had some very vivid dreams. I remember my dreams very well, typically every night and in excellent detail and recollection (although I was not remembering them well over the past few months when I was feeling dealing with lots of anxiety in my waking life, but nonetheless my dream world has returned).
I guess it started by me managing to climb to the very top of an extremely narrow skyscraper. Now, when I say narrow, I mean literally only my feet would fit on a square. No room to walk around.
When I got to the top and found myself standing there looking down, I realized I was far higher up than I thought. This building I was standing on was extremely high; there were cars and parking lots below me but they were tiny. I was very frightened (and I believe I am scared of heights in real life, to some extent).
As I looked down I began feeling like there was no way I could balance myself or support myself standing for very long as it was so incredibly narrow. So I decided it would be best for me to just let myself fall and die.
So I did.
I just completely let go of myself and began falling. On the way down as I was approaching the ground faster and faster, flickers of terrifying realization of how painful it will for a split second before I am killed flashed across my mind. I tried to numb it out by not thinking about it but I was falling so fast and so close to smashing to the ground that the fear was overwhelming. There were buildings and parking lots below me, where would I land? What if I hit the corner of a brick building before I hit the ground? It's going to be so painful. There was such an enormous fear of the unknown. Why did I jump? I shouldn't have jumped! I should have just found a way to get back down safely. Now I'm going to die! I don't want to die! It was so real...
Right before I hit the ground I woke up. Except I was panicking a little bit, somewhat out of breath and my body was tingling all over. I felt very uneasy while I tried to fall back asleep. It was as if it really happened... I really felt the fall and how it would feel so be moments away from a violent death. All day today the vivid memory of it disturbed me.
I am big into dream interpretation and yes I did analyze this dream though I'm too lazy to explain it's various meanings.