tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34169800389715416322024-03-12T00:52:08.156-04:00free spirit journalUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger217125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-5717999262728466362021-11-04T10:36:00.003-04:002021-11-04T10:37:57.874-04:00Soon To Be<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMZ0uCieH7V_trYLkp6-R2ohkrxTxwvH2xVg_SSMlXCpLtWOaMVxwjYZ8GHD7aYVY56ABsjOYY_bQzxJ2L7UhnOrSgnhdmpuQuEPedhNexgW7wBI0IgbYI2B1Z_13wsfLkdee9Vv9fXfU/s2048/IMG_5639.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMZ0uCieH7V_trYLkp6-R2ohkrxTxwvH2xVg_SSMlXCpLtWOaMVxwjYZ8GHD7aYVY56ABsjOYY_bQzxJ2L7UhnOrSgnhdmpuQuEPedhNexgW7wBI0IgbYI2B1Z_13wsfLkdee9Vv9fXfU/w480-h640/IMG_5639.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">A lot has changed within me the past couple of years.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I think the transformation began after 1 year in business;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">a re-evaluation of sorts left me longing to slow down,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">a realization left me questioning what I've always known,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and a re-birth slowly erupted,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">new priorities</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">new responsibilities</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">a new path forward.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Homeowners.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Homemaking.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Children in mind.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Slowly the fiery drive I once had for my work fell dim</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Still there, a small candle burning</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">but more of a plateau, a steadiness, a maintenance.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I've other goals in mind</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">absorbing all my focus</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I want it so badly</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and as such</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">it will be.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I can't help but wonder how or when or if I'll ever shift back to hefty work-mode</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Building upon dreams I once dreamt</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">because right now, they're just not at the forefront;</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">because right now, creating the best little home</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">—</span>inside and out<span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">—</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">for a soul we'll create</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">a fusion of us</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">a little bit of him, a little bit of me</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">is soon to be.</div></div><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-73419834971278918932020-12-06T12:31:00.002-05:002020-12-06T12:33:48.078-05:00Sunday<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR-bz_-HI_WEm1RtmGlN0WIsYJk2XivT7BZfy8ukoqNEZNns033gxaOMSsJPYBtb2frQBufaBAu842ry_49OqmoCTFus_k_e9zzUIxICRTanbBqDxvrtR9m5vPknOXfdh3L-jAmGf6NvM/s2048/IMG_2260.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR-bz_-HI_WEm1RtmGlN0WIsYJk2XivT7BZfy8ukoqNEZNns033gxaOMSsJPYBtb2frQBufaBAu842ry_49OqmoCTFus_k_e9zzUIxICRTanbBqDxvrtR9m5vPknOXfdh3L-jAmGf6NvM/w480-h640/IMG_2260.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><p></p><p>Today is Sunday. As I lay here belly down, diagonally across our bed with the bright blue sky outside our floor-to-ceiling windows illuminating my face, I can hear Sean chatting away on the phone with a far-away friend about our wedding plans.</p><p>On my left hand shines my most cherished 1940s yellow gold diamond ring, a family heirloom that is more perfect than anything I tried to imagine wearing on my finger before he asked me to marry him along the tiny northern lakeshore at his cottage on a September evening. A canoe parked behind us, jeans rolled up, feet in cold water and the dark forest surrounding us.</p><p>2020 has been something. A whole lot of unexpected life events that kept billowing outwards from the centre of a global pandemic. This year will not be forgotten, for so many unfortunate reasons, although little glimmers of good have poked through here and there.</p><p>I'm optimistic that 2021 will be merrier and the world we see a steady progression of recovery on all fronts. I hope we can celebrate our summer wedding without too much hassle, as many others hope as well. Regardless, it's all meant to be, I believe, and there are always things to learn about ourselves and the world around us when we experience grief. No need to dwell.</p><p>It's a slow day for us today. Meal planning, grocery shopping, a chilly walk outside, a hearty Sunday night dinner and perhaps a movie will make up this day before we enter a new week. I'm eagerly awaiting the delivery of my string lights for our new Christmas tree, adorned with homemade dried orange slices and pinecones from the park across the street.</p><p>I love Christmastime, albeit a little different this year.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-87778458837354763622019-12-01T12:10:00.002-05:002019-12-01T12:19:59.255-05:00Patience<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjfm7JrhVsywz_1eGA9i3L9Od2NZK7w7Ab6p4z5vUp1U7PtX1_ni5gV7XMbFU0DLXQhZuM8HCtSBTf5HOj54xlHAHDcVKAyN1sxuyNj5nbi3oV5VY7O1JSsHBHksksykhFRhJA2KKFBTQ/s1600/fullsizeoutput_2ae.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1280" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjfm7JrhVsywz_1eGA9i3L9Od2NZK7w7Ab6p4z5vUp1U7PtX1_ni5gV7XMbFU0DLXQhZuM8HCtSBTf5HOj54xlHAHDcVKAyN1sxuyNj5nbi3oV5VY7O1JSsHBHksksykhFRhJA2KKFBTQ/s640/fullsizeoutput_2ae.jpeg" width="512" /></a></div>
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<br />
It's December 1st and I've already chosen my 'word' for 2020, something I always like to choose for each new year to represent what I'd like to (try to) embody.<br />
<br />
My word for 2020 is <i>patience. </i>I wouldn't be surprised if I've chosen it before.<br />
<br />
Patience is something I've admittedly lacked for most of my life. If I'm not where I want to be or if I don't have what I want, an uneasiness bubbles inside of me.<br />
<br />
Yet patience teaches us to be still, to be present, and to be content with what is happening in front of us. There's an element of <i>living in the now </i>when we're patient, an element of being okay with what is while we dream our little dreams and work towards them.<br />
<br />
I'm a dreamer, it's true, and it's a good thing. It's a powerful thing. When we focus our energy on the things we want to achieve, we're able to take ourselves to bigger and better places. But when we fixate on those things -- seeing them and them only -- we become frustrated. <i>Impatient </i>one might say. The dreams look all too appealing, too good to resist, and seemingly superior to our life right now.<br />
<br />
I have human moments just like any other. I want all the things, too:<br />
<br />
When I was single, I couldn't wait to have a boyfriend. When I lived at home, I couldn't wait to have my own place. When I lived in the suburbs, I couldn't wait to live downtown someday. When I had debt, I couldn't wait to pay it all off.<br />
<br />
And then I got all those things, and now I can't wait for other things like buying a house, getting a dog, getting married or having kids.<br />
<br />
Of course though we can wait, and in fact, waiting for our desires to come to fruition at the right time (when we're better prepared, have more savings for a down payment, etc.) makes them 100x more rewarding once we have them.<br />
<br />
There's nothing worse than the feeling of rushing in to something, such as a purchase or a decision, only to feel like it would have been way better to just wait.<br />
<br />
If I let myself get caught up in my wants, I feel incredibly dissatisfied with my 'right now'. Yet, my life right now is so rich, so full, so beautiful. Gratitude is an essential component to living a happy life, especially when we remember that there are <i>always</i> going to be things to want, regardless of whether we've achieved our 'dream life' or not.<br />
<br />
It's not about complacency, settling, or letting go of the things we want in life. Not at all. It's just about being content with our journeys and enjoying the sightseeing along the way. There's beauty in every inch of the path we're onUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-89302636905263926902019-08-08T17:45:00.001-04:002019-08-09T13:03:55.233-04:00Floral Wonderland<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHjEqP8XEvVgbsF4yqJd8GYs34yqpqhFBrq3Mvw_xUqaZ_msfmUyu_1jWj_kApCm2caIwf4wpG2GBk7Tv4ekUuPCpkWop295marYyjgnS1uTT35ZCUFYcOrAAIbqaf3opHBOrwqFtgLs/s1600/fullsizeoutput_3ef.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHjEqP8XEvVgbsF4yqJd8GYs34yqpqhFBrq3Mvw_xUqaZ_msfmUyu_1jWj_kApCm2caIwf4wpG2GBk7Tv4ekUuPCpkWop295marYyjgnS1uTT35ZCUFYcOrAAIbqaf3opHBOrwqFtgLs/s640/fullsizeoutput_3ef.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div>
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A caressing of leaves</div>
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like a quiet clapping of hands</div>
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and a halt as the rushing breeze curtails.<br />
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The sun beams downward</div>
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forcing freckles of light to<br />
appear on stones</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
shed warmth on my skin</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the left of my brow</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
skin thirsty for light</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mind hungry for a relinquishing of troubles<br />
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a re-weaving of undone peace</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
knotted threads</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a quest for serenity</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
if only for a moment.</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A monarch butterfly of amber and black<br />
flaps it delicate wings above</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
small purple flower buds that</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
bubble toward the sun</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
reaching as high as they can</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
like arms of a toddler</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
asking to be held.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Plump bumblebees with a flower addiction</div>
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next to white puffs<br />
cone-shaped florets</div>
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long skinny whiskers</div>
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and tiny green fingers.</div>
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Heart-shaped pancakes expose their flat faces</div>
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beside bright yellow blooms</div>
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with dark bristled centres</div>
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and an agile fly on top.</div>
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<br /></div>
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And there I see it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the fairest of them all</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a tall slender firework popsicle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with unborn children dancing below.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Oh, but the baby daisies are just as sweet</div>
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as their sunny centres burst brightly</div>
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between twenty white petals</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as if to say</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I'm not a weed!</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Spider-like legs splay outward on the tops<br />
of the violet corn-on-the-cobs</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
next to sad-looking echinacea imposters</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and branches with no hope</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of ever being as beautiful as the </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
honey bee and orange bug</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sucking pollen out of the lilac puffs.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's obvious the dragonflies are having the time of their lives</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and that the puny orange hummingbird-wasps are pretty happy too</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as they should be</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
living their simple, purposeful lives</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a present moment dwelling</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with no past or future</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
besides the death that awaits</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a shrivelling of crispy red leaves</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a slow fall to the ground</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
before blooming brightly again</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in this floral wonderland.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-69496239410076998292019-08-07T12:56:00.000-04:002019-08-09T13:04:22.721-04:00Before the Blue<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-A5VNU2030v0aMw7XOjdfl5A9PjyCtZObm34eruBPufCQkRiHhcehNlzrkBqoogk4xkTwbNqXWPyJCvVUykA0FwefvPeGbN0wgx4tqMp-zzKLF6cNunRxvUp_JD_9Otze3ejGOMak2aI/s1600/fullsizeoutput_3fc.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="854" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-A5VNU2030v0aMw7XOjdfl5A9PjyCtZObm34eruBPufCQkRiHhcehNlzrkBqoogk4xkTwbNqXWPyJCvVUykA0FwefvPeGbN0wgx4tqMp-zzKLF6cNunRxvUp_JD_9Otze3ejGOMak2aI/s640/fullsizeoutput_3fc.jpeg" width="427" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
If you could see the clouds</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you'd wonder if their edges were made of silver</div>
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a stormy pewter billows from their centre</div>
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casting shadows on the people and things</div>
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moving swiftly,</div>
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heavily,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in the sky</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
before the blue.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-53788106147980781362019-08-06T13:06:00.003-04:002019-08-06T13:14:40.418-04:00Nothingness<i>Let it die</i><br />
Solemn words erupt from the speakers of my phone, appropriately,<br />
sitting next to me<br />
by two glasses of water<br />
an old lamp<br />
and a box of tissues<br />
<br />
Nothing grounds me more than writing does<br />
a place I go when I need therapy<br />
like hot water boiling over<br />
making a mess<br />
rushing over to take it off the stove.<br />
<br />
These days I am listless<br />
nothing really makes sense<br />
I'm either lost in a short-lived crying spell<br />
or consumed by subtle bouts of fear<br />
of what ensues from periods of deliberate nothingness.<br />
<br />
Nothingness being my current plan of action<br />
To shift from a state of everythingness, big and bright,<br />
to a partly intentional sheet of grey<br />
a canvas perhaps, white and blank<br />
with a few streaks of pink or purple<br />
it's not all un-lively, you know.<br />
<br />
But the truth is that it's very hard to be a habitual non-stopper<br />
an addict of achievement<br />
a chronic over-thinker<br />
a frenetic go-getter<br />
and force yourself to slow things down.<br />
<br />
It's hardly forcing, though, when you simply become incapable of things<br />
It's more of a rewiring of sorts<br />
a re-evaluation of ways<br />
a set of questions you begin to ask<br />
seeking answers from places you've never been.<br />
<br />
I'm tip-toeing carefully<br />
walking forwards and backwards at the same time<br />
I feel like a zamboni driver<br />
resurfacing all the scratches<br />
the places that need smoothing<br />
a little bit of care<br />
attention to detail<br />
a revitalization of passions left behind in the pursuit of success<br />
a redefining of what makes me truly happy<br />
in the first place.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-178970369017648512019-07-30T12:24:00.001-04:002019-07-30T12:53:10.405-04:00Burnout / Slowing Down<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcbDo18k8zQsWKXBrhyphenhyphen86ls8sKq8IFpJVNuiwF4HsJyK-gf4gOdMsYoLaXvhdVOPm31mK6nM9srDUM5Z6JAaR8_5DewsdvX4R8vXle8783wQWGnLAp1uJyLlpsmKksAkrVHIl1f7TQeJQ/s1600/678A729D-11BE-4D41-8043-B9F167B05FB9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcbDo18k8zQsWKXBrhyphenhyphen86ls8sKq8IFpJVNuiwF4HsJyK-gf4gOdMsYoLaXvhdVOPm31mK6nM9srDUM5Z6JAaR8_5DewsdvX4R8vXle8783wQWGnLAp1uJyLlpsmKksAkrVHIl1f7TQeJQ/s640/678A729D-11BE-4D41-8043-B9F167B05FB9.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
<span id="goog_2096035548"></span><span id="goog_2096035549"></span><br />
I remember a friend saying to me, "you're tired but wired", and I thought to myself, "yes, that's exactly it." Constant late nights, working four jobs at one point, and an unstoppable drive to keep building my business (fuelled by fear of failure, probably). Quite frankly, though, it did pay off.<br />
<br />
I never used to consider myself someone with a particularly notable work ethic. I get distracted easily, bored easily, and I'm not always the best listener. But the point is that my limitless drive to succeed in my own business and become self-employed has been a raging fire for years now. All it takes is passion and persistence to go far (at least in my own experience). I've never really ever stopped doing, stopped working, stopped dreaming, or stopped trying to reach my goals. I honestly became a workaholic, and this resulted in two things:<br />
<br />
Success<br />
and <b>burnout.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
And a couple other things. But for the sake of this blog post, let's talk about burnout. Here's Google's definition:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.</i></blockquote>
<br />
This burnout has probably been a couple years in the making, certainly so the past 6 months, but the lethargy, lack of motivation, extreme overwhelm, and depression didn't fully hit me until a couple months ago. I had just completed an enormous project, and a few others, and it was like my body just cried out <i>please, no more.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Even during the weeks that I could feel this desperate need to slow down, I couldn't because I'd put so many tasks and deadlines on my plate.<br />
<i><br /></i>
But once the big stuff was all said and done, I kind of just... stopped. I mean, I still did things and showed up, but I couldn't shake this inability to be productive like usual, or to feel inspired, or to want to get work done, or really do anything at all. And I was sad. For a little while I'd feel incredibly guilty about feeling helplessly lethargic, which made things worse, because I wasn't really letting myself relax.<br />
<br />
And then I had an epiphany.<br />
<br />
<i>I don't want to live like this.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Not only that, but I don't <i>need </i>to live like this. Why am I trying to do so much? <i>It's all too much.</i><br />
<br />
My goal for the past year or so has been to push through fears and live outside my comfort zone, because discomfort is what helps us grow. And I'm forever glad I chose to push myself for a long while because I definitely would not be who I am, know what I now know, or have as much confidence as I do now. But, now I want to sit inside my brand new expanded comfort zone for a while, because I'm f**king exhausted. And besides, I think plateaus are healthy things, too. Just as much as the uphill growth.<br />
<br />
So a few days ago I made the decision that I'm going to live slower and more intentional. This will likely shift again at some point, but it's what I feel I really need in my life right now. And I know, these words and concepts are thrown around a lot these days, but this is what slow, intentional living means to me:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Doing only as much as is "doable" and feels comfortable for me</li>
<li>Anything that stresses me out, is out. (to the best of my ability)</li>
<li>Being aware of and taking in my surroundings more (mindfulness)</li>
<li>Practicing gratitude more regularly (contentment)</li>
<li>Physically moving my body at a slower pace and not rushing</li>
<li>Saying no to things that do not serve me or make me feel good</li>
<li>Caring less about little things that really do not matter</li>
<li>Letting go of perfectionism (a challenge of mine for a while now, but I want to work on this even more)</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Alongside these lifestyle shifts, I'm also taking some supplements:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Iron. I recently had blood work done to test my thyroid function (based on my symptoms) which came back normal, but was told to take iron. I will share more details of my issues here soon.</li>
<li>Ashwagandha. This herb helps reduce cortisol levels (a stress hormone). A recent hormone panel I had done showed excessive amounts.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
<div>
I can't tell you how good and how right this all feels for me right now. I'm ready for this. I need this.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-46318356558381091452019-07-11T10:23:00.000-04:002019-07-30T12:41:21.355-04:00A Reflection of 1 Year in BusinessIt's Thursday morning and Sean just left for work. I'm sitting in our comfy <span style="font-family: inherit;">Po<span style="background-color: white;">äng </span></span>chair from IKEA in the corner of our apartment, above a blue and white rug, nearest the window and sliding glass door. Our two sources of natural light in this tiny space.<br />
<br />
I've got a restorative yoga playlist running in the background while I sit here, and a cup of hot green tea steeping on the kitchen counter. It's cloudy this morning and I'm pleased about that. I've been enjoying all the sunshine we've had but I've always loved a good grey day. There's nothing quite like them. I hope we get a big thunderstorm soon.<br />
<br />
Q1 and Q2 of this year (as I now call each quarter since running my business full-time) have been very busy for me. The end of July will mark 1 whole year of being self-employed, and it's been nothing short of a dream come true. I didn't know what to expect after quitting my job last summer. <i>Would I be able to make enough money? Will I have enough work to do? What's my plan B if this whole business thing doesn't work out?</i><br />
<br />
But a year later and I've got more on my plate than I anticipated I would. I've reached a place where I feel like I can't quite seem to catch my breath, actually. I've inundated myself with (exciting) projects and varying deadlines, not to mention keeping up with the backend of things or managing an online community of over 150,000 people by myself.<br />
<br />
I am in love with <a href="https://www.meghanlivingstone.com/" target="_blank">what I do</a>. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But it certainly is a <i>lot </i>of work running a business (alone in my case).<br />
<br />
Content creation is one of my favourite things about what I do. I get to use my passion for creativity and combine it with the things that matter most to me - wellness, simplicity, natural living - and transform concepts into something useful or inspirational for others. It can also be a little draining at times (like any line of work).<br />
<br />
Social media and businesses built upon them such as my own require a constant output of fresh new material almost every day, or at least once a week depending on what platform you're referring to. Although for many, myself included, it's multiple platforms. Such material isn't just a single photo and you're done for the day, it's everything that goes along with it.<br />
<br />
If it's video (my primary platform being <a href="https://www.youtube.com/meghanlivingstone" target="_blank">YouTube</a>) it's brainstorming a concept, gathering/researching information, writing a rough script or outline, filming, directing, producing, editing, and then distributing to the world which involves a whole separate set of steps. SEO, descriptions, associated blog posts, sharing relevant resources, engaging with viewers. And this is just <i>one</i><b> </b>of the things I do.<br />
<br />
I also coordinate and negotiate brand partnerships, create online products and services, manage accounting, email, and email marketing. There's also website maintenance and graphic design, recipe testing and creating, writing and photography, and managing content for multiple social media platforms and their associated communities, incoming messages, questions, and comments.<br />
<br />
No matter what your line of work is, there are times when you just feel a little overwhelmed. Although, as I reflect on this past year in business, it's not that I feel like I need a break (okay, maybe I do), it's also that I've needed to improve my organizational skills. My time management has also been a disaster of late, but I've been in dire need of a good re-hashing and streamlining of my processes. Juggling things alone this past year has made my brain feel messy.<br />
<br />
So Sean sat down with me last night and together we took a thorough, objective look at my business, the areas that are working well, the areas that need attention, and the areas where I'm feeling a little frazzled. I wrote down a big long brain-dump list in a word document of everything that's felt messy and overwhelming for me, and <i>voila! </i>Some simple day planning and scheduling was re-born.<br />
<br />
Somewhere along the lines this year with all the projects I'd been working on (such as creating and launching an online course), I lost sight of the schedule I used to have and instead, my days have been uncoordinated, inefficient, and all over the place. It felt like a physical weight was lifted off my shoulders just by re-creating a simple schedule for me to follow.<br />
<br />
And that's that. Here's to another year in business!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-66949297332401130542019-05-01T11:00:00.000-04:002019-08-10T11:01:32.210-04:00Three Daffodils<img alt="water dew on green leaf" height="426" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1530292178889-67a8dc571e85?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1000&q=80" width="640" /><br />
I saw three daffodils<br />
a whimsical web of raindrops<br />
a canopy sewn together by curly branches<br />
and drowsy green leaves<br />
<br />
Little green buds below my feet<br />
like stepping on sweet peas<br />
<br />
A trickling of water<br />
rolling down tree trunks.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-11438899212679753052019-04-12T22:16:00.000-04:002019-07-05T22:07:01.467-04:00Bird's Eye View<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTdTN7UyXLBETB3J2NoCe9yuCrWalvC0_YpMRHKhFUUDV0pvk0-WCOO_OcAMYtvEBeBxhC07LZ0xYUFOf9TVoUWQRanXgbpIIRdYHL1qc68rnVsvfXV58qZzYB8F4aTI8DlUYkoV7Kb98/s1600/IMG_5255.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTdTN7UyXLBETB3J2NoCe9yuCrWalvC0_YpMRHKhFUUDV0pvk0-WCOO_OcAMYtvEBeBxhC07LZ0xYUFOf9TVoUWQRanXgbpIIRdYHL1qc68rnVsvfXV58qZzYB8F4aTI8DlUYkoV7Kb98/s640/IMG_5255.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
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__</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Black socks</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
folded neatly, in little piles,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a slight bend forward and</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a seat on the edge of the bed.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Elbows on thighs</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
clasped hands</div>
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an upward tilt of the head</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and a moment for thought.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Bird's eye view," </i>he says.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
As handsome as ever.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And there I sit</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
fulfilling my writing prompt</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
of how we'd appear to a white bird gliding overhead</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
or a black one:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
handcrafted boxes side by side</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
concrete between us</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
glass in all directions</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
cars on the streets</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and people on sidewalks.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Noises to my right, an open door</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it's Friday night and folks are celebrating.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
__</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-91812960093310416652019-01-21T21:42:00.001-05:002019-01-21T21:43:32.583-05:00Tug of War<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaLf4cUJTE3QpY6LTbJjB52h5FVVrCXqrG6AkKD_-uOLHZRfM3o4MQyB5YGGs1BCvTmO2cBtk9_dfpooXP2vgU4KjMJ7RGYS4htUzo7Be6jkyI7LpTh1aP6q-qozTHLu_BwmWgpRNJ-Kw/s1600/trees-winter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaLf4cUJTE3QpY6LTbJjB52h5FVVrCXqrG6AkKD_-uOLHZRfM3o4MQyB5YGGs1BCvTmO2cBtk9_dfpooXP2vgU4KjMJ7RGYS4htUzo7Be6jkyI7LpTh1aP6q-qozTHLu_BwmWgpRNJ-Kw/s640/trees-winter.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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Like a wave, it rushes inland</div>
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unsuspectingly.</div>
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<br /></div>
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An upward burst, fleeing from the impending flood of thoughts unwelcome;</div>
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of vivid imaginations snatching present moments like a thief.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Little streams of fright trickle slowly, convincingly:</div>
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a clashing of credence</div>
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a harrowing</div>
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a tug of war</div>
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and swiftly,</div>
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a halt.</div>
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<br /></div>
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A sigh of relief</div>
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like a wave rushing outward</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
unsuspectingly.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-14080202824614844942018-10-06T16:41:00.001-04:002018-10-06T16:51:11.177-04:00Saturdays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIX5y4MhaMKGL-jNV7OrTc7oEnc8PlBLCtELlcV0UIFbahgGAmCvKENW3J7D1e-raqZrspKsSwm_GxCEW-seZjVW-8NyhqiuDciftwVo9VgKv_-zpPhXET02Qkp37dhFW4dQjyX6q2R54/s1600/IMG_1623.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIX5y4MhaMKGL-jNV7OrTc7oEnc8PlBLCtELlcV0UIFbahgGAmCvKENW3J7D1e-raqZrspKsSwm_GxCEW-seZjVW-8NyhqiuDciftwVo9VgKv_-zpPhXET02Qkp37dhFW4dQjyX6q2R54/s640/IMG_1623.JPG" width="480" /></a><br />
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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___</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Little droplets of rain</div>
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throw themselves gently onto the glass</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
it's Saturday and the sky is grey</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
a sheet of cloud, one big blanket across the sky</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
like a can of paint.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
These are the days that ask us loudly, obviously:</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
"What must you do today that cannot wait?"</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
And we trot, wayfaring down streets for cups of hot coffee or tea,</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
or we vacuum the carpets while pondering tonight's dinner</div>
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or we wait in line at grocery stores, in liquor stores, in little shops</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
because Saturdays are the best days for those things.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Saturdays don't yell at us like Mondays do, or Tuesdays.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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___</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-84570040588688375032018-10-01T09:26:00.001-04:002018-10-01T09:31:26.021-04:00October 1st 2018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPw9WkVO5CNoHnMKleCtTRmSNw14Naf2fwMKf-sJzgz5J9fLDULba1bF2jHY4Hgh4jNn8QtIiWMAEQj2jQugr1ifR8wOk1u1Q8zWDg2wrycaqzQILbNw8EjURqnSvIF6NdFLczUnTvVME/s1600/IMG_1251.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPw9WkVO5CNoHnMKleCtTRmSNw14Naf2fwMKf-sJzgz5J9fLDULba1bF2jHY4Hgh4jNn8QtIiWMAEQj2jQugr1ifR8wOk1u1Q8zWDg2wrycaqzQILbNw8EjURqnSvIF6NdFLczUnTvVME/s640/IMG_1251.JPG" width="457" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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It's as dark as seven minutes past nine in the morning can be, what with the rain and all, to my right, out the sliding glass doors of our Juliette balcony.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I love rainy days more than I love many other things, and today I love it especially. There's a healing-ness about them, don't you think?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I woke this morning to the fifth day of this chest cold that's dwindling slowly. I got up and promptly began boiling water. A peppermint teabag rests inside steaming water in a mug on the counter while I write this. I like to let it steep well.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Today I feel things I can't describe: liberated, exhilarated, and deeply, profoundly pensive, in a way I haven't been in many moons. I think it must be partly this illness I'm wallowing in; I'm forced to take a day or two off of my usual work routine to recover, and it's allowing me to focus on some other things I've put on the back burner, like writing just for the sake of writing. It's also fall now, not only by date but by temperature, subtle changes in the hue of leaves, and that otherworldly feeling you get when the chilled air touches your face. I could cry it's so beautiful.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
But more than anything, it's October 1st 2018, a brand new month, and I'm plopped right in the middle of all the wishes and dreams I ever had. I'm here, it's here, they're here, and there's nothing else to say but how lucky I feel, how grateful I am, and how I can hardly believe it when I look around me.</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-26892255451188636912018-07-29T23:59:00.001-04:002019-07-12T10:31:38.274-04:00Life Is But A Dream<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
It's nighttime. Half passed eleven. Last night I was awake until 3am, tossing and turning; too hot, and then too cold. It's not typical for me to have trouble falling asleep, but in times like these when your life is in transition, it's what's to be expected, I'd say. At least for someone with my kind of whirlwind brain.<br />
<br />
Tonight I sit here for the very last time on this bed. A folded duvet rests by my feet with a cat on top; stacks of books to be taken to the thrift store tomorrow lie on the floor to my left, and my desk is cleared of all papers and pens: only a few bits and bobs are left on top for me to toss into a bag. In the far corner I have two large containers packed neatly with camera equipment, cords, and a few belongings that seemed appropriate to keep. I'm impressed with myself that I've been able to compress most of the contents of my life into a couple boxes and bags.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow I enter a brand new chapter of my life. But, this isn't just any chapter.<br />
<br />
This chapter is a powerful one. A glossy, shimmery, weighted chapter that represents everything I've ever wished for. It holds every dream I've ever dreamed, and it sits, it waits for me tomorrow morning, to enter it.<br />
<br />
I'll be living in a city I dreamed of living, with a person I dreamed of living with and being with and breathing with, and I'll be doing what I've always wanted to do.<br />
<br />
Life is but a dream.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-23807508544029959202018-02-14T00:00:00.000-05:002018-02-13T23:09:15.399-05:00All-Encompassing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUEoXudyOLCjj8SkG9-0ZQQ0PNuQ4G5IS99TKjU7ArGV6r01ov-FeV9PQGTLKtJ9Fovs1E_FYPCpb0tQrSfEUjMp_LEPC9Xi0mmmM6IukTuh6uQIiwM27QCE3B1OMK9SHSGEum2xDvU1E/s1600/IMG_6933.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUEoXudyOLCjj8SkG9-0ZQQ0PNuQ4G5IS99TKjU7ArGV6r01ov-FeV9PQGTLKtJ9Fovs1E_FYPCpb0tQrSfEUjMp_LEPC9Xi0mmmM6IukTuh6uQIiwM27QCE3B1OMK9SHSGEum2xDvU1E/s640/IMG_6933.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
___</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
All of my dreams came true the day I met you. Every single one of them. You're all-encompassing, an embrace, a weaving, a satin scarf; for you I'd live a thousand lives over just to find you like I did that night, a look to my right, a seat by the fire. You are everything, all of it, each tiny fragment of all of my wishes bloomed into light.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
___</div>
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-44630369971825505632017-09-29T22:07:00.002-04:002017-09-29T22:09:41.390-04:00Wishes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgke5KEEKjG_JkXUNjnM7o7FY3gSQriuc9J4v5-AiEUPoC_mufMQ83djebhqXvcQ8nCW63b7i-xlmi6xehgVl7t7sckp6XAMEUkjkc_TK3z0A7irpgDhZmvuc4K4m6PMIrkFFTwe7So2kw/s1600/IMG_3668.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1351" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgke5KEEKjG_JkXUNjnM7o7FY3gSQriuc9J4v5-AiEUPoC_mufMQ83djebhqXvcQ8nCW63b7i-xlmi6xehgVl7t7sckp6XAMEUkjkc_TK3z0A7irpgDhZmvuc4K4m6PMIrkFFTwe7So2kw/s640/IMG_3668.JPG" width="540" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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What a beautiful summer it was</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
every day sunny, even in the rain</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
visions I once had now crystal clear and on the path before me;</div>
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your face in my light, the darkness behind me</div>
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everything was worth it, all of it, every little bit</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
a dancing of sun and moon rising</div>
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dreams I used to dream, blooming into life,</div>
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truly, there they are, here I am,</div>
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my heart is bountiful, my hands holding what were once</div>
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words on paper</div>
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pictures in my head</div>
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visions in my sleep</div>
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imagination as wild as ever,</div>
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and suddenly you're in front of me</div>
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surrounding me, before me, next to me;</div>
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everything unfolds smoothly, exquisitely, with you in my life</div>
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a hope: it shines outward, beaming its light, showing its face</div>
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a wish: it bursts upward, bearing its fruit, unveiling its skin</div>
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a dream: it sings, bright and loud, vibrant, like a watercolour painting</div>
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visions I once had now crystal clear and on the path before me.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-46347187613807366662017-06-15T10:24:00.000-04:002019-07-12T10:35:47.767-04:00All My Dreams Are Of You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwwHL3A0kfAIBNsrqAA-0BFXSUTwznpNmLORj6vFk1zVyLhOKx2eFC2d2AnJFij8tYqcQCwJSlBzukBjnFHaUrJbu2kdeERZKiH69I-oze_o3U7vCaWUZ6fvY2uuSkE2hXWQcpAsmYNSw/s1600/IMG_3711+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1336" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwwHL3A0kfAIBNsrqAA-0BFXSUTwznpNmLORj6vFk1zVyLhOKx2eFC2d2AnJFij8tYqcQCwJSlBzukBjnFHaUrJbu2kdeERZKiH69I-oze_o3U7vCaWUZ6fvY2uuSkE2hXWQcpAsmYNSw/s640/IMG_3711+%25281%2529.jpg" width="534" /></a></div>
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I love you as the sun promises its light,</div>
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with each rise, when there is dew on the grass,</div>
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and the moon is beneath us.</div>
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I love you as certainly as the soil that blooms life,</div>
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with every colour,</div>
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and every fragrance,</div>
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of soft petals and green leaves.</div>
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I love you as sweetly as the softest peach</div>
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and the tallest tree,</div>
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as gently as the turn of a page,</div>
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as effortlessly as the words written upon it,</div>
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and as closely as my head is against your chest,</div>
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for the fragments fo your soul and mine are one and the same;</div>
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each time our eyes meet,</div>
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each time we speak,</div>
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it is enough for me to love you as surely as the sky</div>
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and at night I do not dream of things without meaning</div>
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because all my dreams are of you.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-81950542439884175712017-06-14T11:22:00.001-04:002017-06-14T11:22:06.540-04:00True Love<div style="text-align: left;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuD8JpB5B5gGDj21W638KLVH_8rOKknrOzfGR7nwvhpTn_AQFjmKzLrzk1rhQPH5JEPXZfFwYHupwTWerCJZ2f0_Thdm7G12Gcrv7tueZzRV7K3ma1uyWFlsephfaJS5M4lwPWE0BxH4w/s1600/IMG_2840.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuD8JpB5B5gGDj21W638KLVH_8rOKknrOzfGR7nwvhpTn_AQFjmKzLrzk1rhQPH5JEPXZfFwYHupwTWerCJZ2f0_Thdm7G12Gcrv7tueZzRV7K3ma1uyWFlsephfaJS5M4lwPWE0BxH4w/s640/IMG_2840.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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___</div>
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My heart hurts from the</div>
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heaviness of love that it</div>
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holds for you and for nothing else</div>
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you are the butterflies inside</div>
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the sweat on my skin when</div>
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you cross my mind</div>
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the daydreams at noon and</div>
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the gaze in my eyes as</div>
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I ponder the depths of your</div>
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beautiful mind</div>
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you glow like nothing but a</div>
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star in the sky as it bursts its light</div>
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you are the very same shine</div>
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as soothing as sand</div>
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as delicate as lace</div>
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there is no way to orchestrate</div>
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a symphony as flawlessly as</div>
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your hand fits in mine as we sit side by side</div>
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I'm in ruins from your smile</div>
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when our fingers intertwine and</div>
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the time we watched the sun rise</div>
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I can now accurately define</div>
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bliss and true love</div>
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for the very first time.</div>
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___</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-64857408040278665232017-05-05T20:15:00.000-04:002017-05-05T20:15:49.942-04:00Thoughts on a Friday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiySZUS1dtweFtDU94FX3Lvo9j870f0vaLrGoUWalLhIelgK1xPYp4yegC0VC7uaxb-ckMus_eKte3K_nyKiP8KOOqjdS7CHfLtZx1h6AlAx0Y6nUa6brHcnRDJJkzBZHkCBx5BvquRc40/s1600/IMG_2443.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiySZUS1dtweFtDU94FX3Lvo9j870f0vaLrGoUWalLhIelgK1xPYp4yegC0VC7uaxb-ckMus_eKte3K_nyKiP8KOOqjdS7CHfLtZx1h6AlAx0Y6nUa6brHcnRDJJkzBZHkCBx5BvquRc40/s640/IMG_2443.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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Before me is my bedroom window, just above my desk. It's about eight o'clock and the sun is setting, although the sky is so pale with mist that you can't quite tell.</div>
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I have my window open and outside I hear small birds, cars passing by on the street below, leftover droplets of a day drenched with rain; the air is sparkling with tiny beads of water and the grass is far more luscious than you'd think.</div>
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I love this time of year. Each time I breathe in the spring air I swear I am healed. I stepped out into my backyard about an hour ago, the sky still falling, puddles left and right and the ground a miniature marshland. I stood there for a few moments, absolutely enjoying the rain.</div>
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____</div>
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These days I feel eager: so often I'm cooped up in my room working on projects tirelessly, moving forward, swirling to and from work, designing my days; all things I do I do with intention, mostly, and truly I do. I have a plan, or an outline, perhaps, for how I'd like things to unfold, but yet I am also just taking small steps each morning that I wake and mostly I'm just in a state of allowing what's to be and what has already been.</div>
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Allowing is a most beautiful state to be in. There is nothing more freeing than allowing: to me this is open arms, open eyes, most definitely an open heart, but more than anything it is <i>accepting</i> at the very same time. Being open to challenges, open to opportunities, accepting of hardships, accepting of accomplishments. The path of least resistance.</div>
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At the same time though, might I add, there is an element that is just as importance as sitting back and <i>allowing</i>, and that's <i>doing, </i>too. Getting up and making it happen. Whatever <i>it </i>is. That's what I've been so eager about lately, continuing to create for myself what it is that I feel I'm lacking around me. Never do we need to feel stuck or trapped in one way of living or doing or being, because we are the designers of our world, and this is as thrilling as can be. Even more thrilling is the idea of <i>allowing </i>the outcomes of things, a no-expectation way of living, you know?</div>
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Just some thoughts on a Friday.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-58490315705740317862017-03-19T21:53:00.000-04:002017-03-19T21:53:57.333-04:00Bird Therapy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkOz9a6QEt2udj73VLVv1XoSquJTTR3vdANM9LTigsehprLqBc0k6Q0Ot5YGcnRsZOklJg3q5M3kyyFhN73c7BwKw226yeQ4WOAmJP0mQBm5m4Dbb_Y2U1NCyzaA8UBTLYMq-srA8KdZ4/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25283%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkOz9a6QEt2udj73VLVv1XoSquJTTR3vdANM9LTigsehprLqBc0k6Q0Ot5YGcnRsZOklJg3q5M3kyyFhN73c7BwKw226yeQ4WOAmJP0mQBm5m4Dbb_Y2U1NCyzaA8UBTLYMq-srA8KdZ4/s640/FullSizeRender+%25283%2529.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<i>Sunflower seeds and chickadees</i></div>
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<i>soft rolling waves and a chilly breeze</i></div>
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<i>the beaming sun and tall birch trees</i></div>
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<i>I'll take another day like today, please.</i></div>
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______</div>
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Today was what I like to call a <i>slow Sunday. </i>After cucumber wine until the early hours the night before, I got up, washed my face, threw on my new sandy grey speckled knit, and drove home to the sounds of one of my favourite bands Needtobreathe. I swear I can never get enough of their songs.</div>
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After tidying my bedroom, sorting through paperwork, changing my fish bowl and watering my plants, I stepped outside for a mid-afternoon waterfront walk. It was so refreshing; the kind I've needed for a while. And I suppose it has been a while: winter is long, after all, and sunny days like today aren't easy to come by.</div>
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The air was cool but the sun was perfectly warm, and I fed some chickadees right from the palm of my hand. This, my friends, is something I must do more often. Like a bird therapy; a featherlight heartbeat lands on your hand, clasping its tiny claws onto your fingers, just for a moment, to snatch a sunflower seed or half a peanut.</div>
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Connecting to the world around us, the real, real world with real creatures and things that live alongside us, is so healing: trees, buds, sprouts, swans, all of it. It's therapy.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-38203267338694474742017-03-15T23:41:00.000-04:002017-03-15T23:41:30.234-04:00Twirling<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAWRQeAaLKW9LBiZPjGilpRgxHbMW8mqctLmPP8iHrMgn5lzrct-f3FBes6sFxXDQGgPrpJAn1A6Tpyq4Ps8Rd-GXLpd3-536k5id_uV0fHMtHYTicuwhCwTTlYUloo9ECbT9wrCCSkm0/s1600/IMG_1172.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAWRQeAaLKW9LBiZPjGilpRgxHbMW8mqctLmPP8iHrMgn5lzrct-f3FBes6sFxXDQGgPrpJAn1A6Tpyq4Ps8Rd-GXLpd3-536k5id_uV0fHMtHYTicuwhCwTTlYUloo9ECbT9wrCCSkm0/s640/IMG_1172.JPG" width="574" /></a></td></tr>
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It's the middle of March, which means it's almost spring, although it's -10 and we just got another delivery of snow.</div>
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This winter has gone by so fast - really truly - faster I think than any other winter. I remember the past few winters were drawn-out and unending, depressingly so, but this time 'round I can hardly believe April is only a few moons away. I have much to look forward to the next few weeks: I've got a whole lot on the go right now and I can't wait to see how it all unfolds this year.</div>
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_______</div>
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So, it's official. I have ceased to remove myself from my twirling mind; the to-and-fro that comes in waves, whispering one thing and then shouting the next, both entirely opposite pieces of advice.</div>
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I spoke to counsellors and psychologists in my late teens and early twenties, back when my anxiety was so overbearing that the world around me was as dark and hazy as anything you've ever seen; back when I couldn't seem to make a decision any better than I can now, in some ways, I suppose.</div>
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Thankfully, a handful of years later, I'm more confident in my steps than I've ever been, although there's a thing or two that always pulls me backward. I'm going to speak to another psychotherapist this Friday and I am so thrilled about it. Friday can't come soon enough, in fact. I'm nervous though, too, and mostly just hopeful that he'll be able to help me find clarity in all of the spaghetti of questions I have about life, love, moving on, and moving forward.</div>
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I'm the kind of person who <i>needs </i>to express how I feel by <i>talking about stuff </i>with people I trust. I am terrible at holding things in when something is bothering me, and this is why counselling is so helpful for me. I think everybody should invest in a few sessions with a therapist at least once in their life, during a time when they need answers, someone to bounce their thoughts off of, or to get another perspective.</div>
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For now I am writing down all of the things I am grateful for and I can't tell you why I haven't done it more often.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-17178628137420663032017-01-15T23:36:00.001-05:002017-01-15T23:36:52.645-05:00Morning Light<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcWDUQ1wuTBQIxXZyePoOLhumjtZMcYGclVTsHt9nTZb6_hyphenhyphenVGy8s_7C7OZ57zF3eIryS2S_2LlgLUFOCwKo-Cdir9db669CETt-gpVj-JYvybYuMT3yD4WzWMoarWAhXEGJdMuDHul44/s1600/IMG_0703.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcWDUQ1wuTBQIxXZyePoOLhumjtZMcYGclVTsHt9nTZb6_hyphenhyphenVGy8s_7C7OZ57zF3eIryS2S_2LlgLUFOCwKo-Cdir9db669CETt-gpVj-JYvybYuMT3yD4WzWMoarWAhXEGJdMuDHul44/s640/IMG_0703.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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___</div>
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Outside it's quiet and grey, my blinds still drawn, a cat at my feet, and I'm nestled under three layers: cotton, flannel, and a quilt. There are four pillows on my bed and my head rests somewhere between them.</div>
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I roll over once, maybe twice, and I peer at my fish across the room swirling gently 'round his bowl. I sit up. I reach across the bed to the window beside me, and I let the light in.</div>
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That's my most favourite part of the morning: letting the light in. There's something about morning light, something I don't have a word for.</div>
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I think for a moment; occasionally I will open my journal and write a few words, otherwise, I stand up and make my way down the old wooden staircase that creaks loudly. Another opportunity for morning light: the curtains above the kitchen sink are closed. I open them, and the trees in the backyard are awake, the birds are alive, and there are rabbits.</div>
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The icy breeze outside prompts me to turn the kettle on. A mug, a teabag, and a seat at the table while I plan my day ahead.</div>
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___</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-4628710715730900032017-01-10T18:46:00.001-05:002017-01-10T18:47:44.630-05:00Twenty Six<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExjpwef-2CoUMc_VLfKXOHjFv7UT94DdsHLyVgyv0AqE8nuvTYIPWw-6HbTWnbycFOGDkTiRRm68nmZDzjkEfI26fOd8OcQwkgOO3lkgJAelettIGzXESBFY6mqjSEs-yaIpCeCwD5Yg/s1600/IMG_4729.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="384" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExjpwef-2CoUMc_VLfKXOHjFv7UT94DdsHLyVgyv0AqE8nuvTYIPWw-6HbTWnbycFOGDkTiRRm68nmZDzjkEfI26fOd8OcQwkgOO3lkgJAelettIGzXESBFY6mqjSEs-yaIpCeCwD5Yg/s640/IMG_4729.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Today is my 26th birthday.<br />
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I booked today off work, a snowy Tuesday that has turned into heavy, slushy rain; but I spent the entire day listening to a meditation playlist, drinking banana-coconut milk, baking grain-free birthday brownies, blushing over the amount of well wishes, and doing a little bit of reading.<br />
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This birthday is the very first birthday out of all of my birthdays where I feel a little bit of discomfort. Usually I am lively and ecstatic on my special day, and I <i>love</i> to celebrate, but this time around the sun I'm feeling a little out of sorts.<br />
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My birthday is very close to the holiday season, and my holidays this year were a little somber. I found myself unusually wishing for Christmas to hurry up and be over and for New Years to quickly pass. I am still just processing some big, big stuff, and I'm thankful it is 2017, because 2016 was full to the brim with the difficulty of ending a relationship and the rise of some digestive health issues.<br />
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I've been spending a lot of time the past little while working on myself and filling up my pockets with a bounty of positivity in the form of affirmations and things of the like. In fact, my bedroom is stocked with tiny little notes of reassuring and encouraging words to keep me from twirling downward into that scary dark hole of anxiety and horrible thoughts. I must say, I feel really great as a result; I wake each morning telling myself my life is unfolding perfectly, that I can handle anything that comes my way, and that I <i>always </i>know the answers.<br />
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Being alone is scary, but it's thrilling. Regardless of what's behind me and what's to come, I am happy, and I'm excited about the future. I trust myself, the path I've walked thus far, and the path that's before me - whatever stones and twigs and roses I find along the way.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-14801097037592954232016-09-22T22:37:00.000-04:002016-09-22T22:41:53.083-04:00Healing My Gut: What I Eat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I make a big batch of soup every two days or so, because if I haven't emphasized enough, I am undergoing a major digestive healing protocol. My soups almost always contain carrots and chicken thighs with the skin on and bone-in, that I let simmer alongside any variety of vegetables that floats my boat for that day: celery and leek, peas and turnip, broccoli and parsley. Right now I am still at the relatively early stages of a combination of the SCD, GAPS and AIP diets; diets that are designed to give your system a much needed break while supporting the healing of the intestinal lining to improve absorption, seal leaky gut, and reduce overgrowth of bad bacteria.</div>
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Since I developed post-infectious IBS and a number of food intolerances after my C. Diff infection in 2011, I've always made a note in my mind to try my best to avoid grains, legumes, refined sugar, and dairy, because I feel worse if I consume too much of those things. However, even as a nutritionist with the knowledge I have, it hasn't always been easy, or at least, I haven't always been strict enough about it. Not that I was eating <i>unhealthily, </i>I was just eating the wrong foods <i>for </i>me. It really wasn't until close to a month ago after dealing with 6 consecutive months of this flare-up, that I <i>really </i>knew I needed to make changes.</div>
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It's been about three weeks of following a very strict dietary regimen, but I must say, my symptoms have certainly improved. I am not yet where I'd like to be, but just knowing that my body is getting the break it needs and is less reactive, is extremely encouraging.</div>
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A typical day of eating for me right now includes a lot of simple soups, bone broths, roasted chicken, fish, squash and other vegetables; my newest muse of cauliflower "rice" stir fry with beef and vegetables; sweet peas for a snack, zucchini "noodles" and lots of water and herbal teas (namely ginger, peppermint, or fennel). It can get repetitive but I can't say I'm sick of it just yet, in fact, I really quite enjoy the simplicity and ease of it all. It's really all very easy to prepare and I'm enjoying eating so many fresh ingredients.</div>
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If it seems like I'm not eating anything besides meat and vegetables, that's entirely the case. I am not eating fruit, nuts, dairy, legumes, grains or even starchy vegetables like potato. Restrictive? Absolutely. Am I feeling better because of it? Yup.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3416980038971541632.post-32483469284431442012016-09-21T23:06:00.001-04:002016-09-21T23:13:01.658-04:00Restless<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I had a productive day today, but a restless day. One of those can't-sit-still afternoons with the energy of a sloth, yet the desire to get up and do something stimulating. I felt trapped in my body; I didn't want to move and I had an insatiable appetite. I did go to the gym first thing this morning, however, which at least gave me some shimmer of satisfaction, if only a little bit.<br />
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Mostly though I sat at my computer and worked away: I responded to emails, edited videos and blog posts and photographs and thumbnails and procrastinated some along the way, too. I also ate half a bag of carrot chips, which are darn good, but perhaps not exactly something I should be eating half a bag of right now, what with all the sunflower oil and such. I also had my delicious sesame noodle bowl and an equally delicious cauliflower-rice stir fry.<br />
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Tomorrow I've a few things on my agenda: hop to the store to stock up on more carrots (a vegetable that is my entire life right now), fresh ginger, and chicken thighs. Soup is a very important part of my days as of late.<br />
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I'm feeling increasingly content with what God, or the Universe, or <i>something </i>has planned for me. Maybe what <i>I </i>have planned for me, I still don't know. But I do know that I can wish and dream and take action and make things happen, like I do, but still there's a path that is paved and I'm walking gracefully along it, knowing it leads to the perfect place where all of my visions are in a basket of fruition, waiting for me to grasp it.<br />
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<i>half of my heart's got a grip on the situation,</i></div>
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<i>half of my heart takes time.</i></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0