Saturday, April 12, 2014


Tonight, I'm happy.

I'm content. And I'm contemplative, inspired, safe.

I'm thinking about my life, actually, and time, and where it has all gone, and where it will take me. I'm thinking about where I have been, what I have done, and where I am. I remember so clearly just like it was yesterday all of the things that changed in my life so suddenly, four years ago. I remember the awakening, the re-birth; the unshakable me, the trembling me, the righteousness, the holding on, the letting go, the allowing, the grace of it all.

In retrospect, I see how I was so... innocent.

But so courageous. And eager. So, so eager. So inspired and relentless and I see now how I have changed, how I have softened, and let things in. So much can and does change but my heart still carries those same dreams. They are etched into my being. They are who I am, and what I live for every single day. They are what bring me the peace I seek when I am alone, they are what rise to the surface when I am lit up and swollen with inspiration; they are what make me smile and say "yes, this is what I want."

I just wonder where the years have gone. One moment they're in the palm of your hand and the next they're mist and veiled. One moment you're something and the next you're something else. Times change, they do. But even beneath the deep there is still just a girl and I am still the same, but I am so different.

And tonight, I'm feeling like a bloom; like the springtime that is by my side; like the rain feeding the earth, and the green below my feet, and the dew on the morning grass, and the breath I take when peace overwhelms me. Lately I have been reminded of what I want most in my life and it makes me feel euphoric, exhilarated, blissful, surreal. I think because for a long while there has been perhaps a disconnect, an unplugging of sorts, and you lose touch. For that I blame the cold and hardened winter months. I'm beginning to thaw.

This morning I walked outside into the misty morning sun, and it was quiet, and there were birds, and I felt the breeze and it has been so long, so long of a winter.

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