Monday, December 31, 2012
So it's the end of the year, 2012 is coming to a close. I've been waiting till the last day of December to write a post about my year, to breathe out the old and open up to the newness that is waiting around the bend. 2012 has been a mixture of so many things for me. It was the worst year of my life, yet it was miraculous; a wonderful teacher. Life lessons at its finest. I just feel so ready to let go of all of the heaviness, to welcome a clean slate, a blank canvas, and to paint it all with freshness and new opportunities; to continue writing my story; building, creating, dreaming and living.
And so it began at the end of January 2012 where without warning I fell into what seemed like a never-ending pit of darkness. Mostly I was bewilderingly depressed. I felt a devastating perplexity toward it as I had never felt that way in my entire life. I struggled through many ceaseless months of terrifying and exhausting anxiety. (I made a post on it here). I almost have a phobia of reading through my journal from that time. In fact, I should probably burn the thing. Most of it I can't remember anyway - my life was a mist, as if those months went by and I don't even know what happened.
To some degree I am aware of what caused the turmoil. It was a mixture of many things but stress was the chief, infamous culprit. Eventually, we break.
And so I muddled through February, through March, trying desperately to figure out how to find myself again. I was, after all, completely lost. April came, May went, June arrived. Somewhere in the springtime I discovered how to manage my incessant anxiety. I learned to accept, not to resist. I practiced allowing. I practiced laughing at myself. I did yoga, I kept busy, I sought out counseling, I wrote, I cried. Eventually it did pass. More and more I felt excited again, I felt happy, and I remember writing that I could finally feel my life again.
A lot happened this year but the distress I experienced did not comprise it all. Although I felt much discomfort, I felt even more reward. This was also the year of completing my studies in Holistic Nutrition as well as stepping into my power, courageously facing my fears and turning the page to a new chapter in my life. I am grateful for it all, and eagerly await what the rest of my storybook will read.
I welcome 2013 with open arms and an open heart.